Burridge 3-2 Warsash Wasps

Wednesday 7th April
Meadowside Leisure Centre, Whiteley

Paul Andrews' tackle on Warsash Wasps' goalkeeper was decisive in Burridge becoming the first team to beat their opponents in the Southampton league this season. He scored Burridge's winning goal five minutes into the second half after chasing down a back pass. Warsash's goalkeeper was slow to release the ball. By the time he caught the scent of Dolce & Gabbana it was too late, Andrews was upon him. Andrews blocked his belated clearance with a polished size 12 Adidas. The ball landed in the back of Warsash's net. Later in the Bugle Inn, Andrews marked the occasion with a packet of pickled onion flavoured Monster Munch. He offered them around while thirstily gulping back from a tall glass of Coca-Cola. It was his second goal of the season.


Pictured above: Justin Newman lines up a free kick.

Those arriving on time at Whiteley would have noticed Rich Allan on his hands and knees reinforcing the faint pitch markings with a paint brush and a small tin of white acrylic from the boot of his van. He cannot play until his suspension runs out on 18 April. The Dolphin asked him to referee their game last week. They'd pay him thirty five quid. The league said they didn't mind a suspended player refereeing a game. They were just pleased of a referee on a Sunday morning, but Rich couldn't make it. Burridge enjoyed a good start. Sam Schwodler doesn't run, he swaggers. He gave Burridge the lead with a unique interpretation of an overhead kick. It caught Warsash's goalkeeper by surprise. It had a similar effect on some of his team mates, who made their way back to the half way line shaking their heads. Marc Judd doubled the lead when he neatly collected Bryn Schwodler's pass and tucked in number two.


Warsash didn't use the three-nil scoreline as an excuse to throw in the towel. They continued to play good passing football. Their midfield became regulars in Burridge's penalty area. It took a toll on Burridge's legs. Justin Newman readdressed the balance. He left an indelible mark on the game, it was an imprint of his studs on a Warsash's player's chest. He'd already been booked for dissent. When he left the field after an hour it was only as a substitute. Warsash made a game of it with a goal of their own. Then they were awarded a penalty. It was taken by their number eleven in a way that was completely at odds with his performance in the game. His shot ended up in a thicket of bushes behind the goal. Warsash nicked a second goal and spent the remaining ten minutes pushing hard for a third. It never came. In the end Warsash's defeat hinged on their missed penalty.

Burridge lined up in 3-5-2:

GK:Ryan Jones
DF:Paul Dyke (James Cook)
DF:Kev Willsher
DF:Sam Hewitt
RM:Sam Schwodler
CM:Justin Newman (Mark Sanderson)
CM:Krsitian Hewitt
CM:Marc Judd
LM:Bryn Schwodler
CF:Paul Andrews
CF:Lee Fielder

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Burridge 6-0 Southampton BTC

Date: Saturday 20th February
Venue: Meadowside Leisure Centre, Whiteley

The referee had a face that asked serious questions on just how far the directors for the Werther's Original commercials are casting their nets. If Saturday afternoon at Meadowside is anything to go by it appears that the playing fields of Southampton remain very much uncharted waters. Undermined only by a stiff legged gait, the referee gave anyone watching the strong impression he was dealing with a loose kernel in his underpants. While his name remains a mystery, on the evidence presented here it's fair to assume it's something like Tommy Peephamton. Or Old Tom to his friends.

BTC made the most out of their day out to Whiteley. On the way they visited Burridge recreation ground, Allotment Road in Sarisbury Green and most of the A3051. Seeing as the rest of their afternoon was spent in their own half of the pitch they didn't get the chance to see Burridge's penalty area. There were ten minutes before kick off when BTC's five car strong convoy arrived at Meadowside car park. Their secretary hadn't called them to let them know that the game had been switched to Whiteley.

It was to BTC's eternal credit that they didn't let the referee's age become an obstacle. Throughout the game they treated him just like they would any other referee. So it was to Old Tom's great advantage that he had the hearing capacity of a tube of Smarties. Within fifteen minutes of kick off BTC decided that Burridge linesman Greg Baker was a cheat. They broke the news to him from a distance more appropriate for those engaging in non-consensual frottage. Greg managed to restrain himself, despite having a handful of linesman's flag, one with the old fashioned wooden handles, but Greg went to university and likes panini instead of sandwiches, so clocking blokes around the head with pieces of wood isn't really is his thing unless he can spend several years studying it that's followed with a written examination.

During the interlude BTC's number 14 had a word in Burridge centre forward Ben Rowe's ear. Rowe had been trying to defuse the situation with a few jokes which number 14 took exception to. 'Just you wait,' he told Rowe. For what he never found out. Perhaps when BTC get to grips with the telephone they might be good enough to let him know.

Scorers:

1-0 Lee Fielder
2-0 Mark Sanderson
3-0 Bryn Schwodler
4-0 Sam Schwodler
5-0 Greg Baker (pen)
6-0 Marc Judd

Burridge lined up in a 4-4-2 formation


GK:Paul Andrews
RB:Jay Schwodler (Greg Baker)
CB:Kristian Hewitt
CB:Kev Willsher
LB:Paul Dyke
RM:Sam Schwodler
CM:Mark Sanderson
CM:Mark Reeves
LM:Bryn Schwodler
CF:Ben Rowe (Rich Allan)
CF:Lee Fielder (Marc Judd)

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Warsash Wasps 2-2 Burridge

Date: Saturday 29th August
Venue: Osborne Road, Warsash

(All pics by Roz H.) Click to enlarge - Kristian Hewitt gets ready to pull trigger

The queen gazed into the distance with cold eyes. I didn't blame her for having the hump, her head was partially buried in the dry dirt on the face of a twenty pence piece, along with a broken amber bicycle wheel reflector, a warped plastic cherry Coca-Cola bottle top and an endless scattering of small stones that fight for space in the dead yellow grass of Osborne Road, home to Warsash Wasps. The pitch is flat though and with the changing rooms located directly behind the goal there's no need to eye up decent sized bushes in case you need to take an emergency leak, or worse. This ground has happy memories for Burridge. Eight years ago Rich Allan and Jay Schwodler scored the goals that beat Bold Forrester in the Southampton Cup semi-final.

There's forty-five minutes 'til kick off when I arrive, but Warsash are changed and ready in their yellow and black kit, an enthusiasm no doubt drawn from last season's junior one title win in which they lost only a single game. I watch them as they stand in a circle passing a ball around. Everyone of them seems immaculately turned out with short coiffured hair, polished black Adidas boots, with even a degree of care going into the neat binding of electrical tape that wraps around their socks to hold their shin pads in place. Rich Allan attempts to restore the balance by arranging cones for Burridge to run around. Ben Hutton takes a few pot shots at goal. When he misses the target the ball hits a garden fence that makes a cracking noise that sounds like it's about to die.

Chinese Monkey Allan holds off his man.

We return to the dressing room for Pete Lyons to name the team. When the referee put his head around our door two things became very clear. His Scottish accent is so broad it's just a noise I can't quite understand, and his pallid complexion looks as though it's made up entirely of Wensleydale cheese. He wanted to have a quick chat with us about what he wouldn't tolerate during the match, Burridge eyes turn to Greg Baker, because although he's been to Lesotho to help children in poverty, and is due to start a job with an initiative that's sole purpose is to help vulnerable people living in the poorest places in the world, he does need reminding before every single game that if at all possible could he reduce the verbal abuse directed at the referee to a minimum. Baker's dad is a referee. He used to referee our games when we were kids. He's also a keen follower of Gillingham FC and is known to fall into catatonic despair should they lose a game. You have to feel for Greg's mum. At this moment the referee is more preoccupied with the state of the goals, muttering something about needing another peg or two for the net if we're to get underway.

Justin Newman takes another breather while Fielder gives him the magic sponge. Sam Schwodler looks concerned.

Burridge start the game well. Kristian Hewitt collects a squared ball thirty yards out, waddling forward like some blind animal, allowing his bristled jowls to become hundreds of tiny blond antenna, all able to calculate the exact velocity in which to strike the ball that thuds against the underside of the crossbar and bounces back up into the roof of the net. He shuffles away to mark this goal with a raised index finger pointed towards the sky before being mobbed by team mates. Ten minutes later Justin Newman concedes a hotly contested penalty which Warsash score. Mark Judd then heads home unmarked from Hewitt's pinpoint ring wing cross to make it 2-1. During half time Kevin Willsher is unsure which is going to give in first, his back or his football boots. The sole is left clinging to the size ten Umbro boots he bought in the cut price sale at West Quay five weeks ago. He wraps reels of gaffer tape around them and hopes for the best.

Burridge gaffer, Pete Lyons, plots his next move.

It's difficult to tell from Pete Lyons' team talk if he's happy or just surprised at how Burridge are playing. There was little evidence of this kind of performance during the winless seven game pre-season. Wasps equalise in second half, their forwards rousing each other in reassured and earnest tones that the winning goal will come, but Burridge resist the temptation to fall to pieces and play out a draw. Players file off the pitch at the final whistle, asking how Saints were doing and were Liverpool still losing to Bolton. Without a transistor radio nobody could be sure.

Kristian's goal was a combination of this and this.