Saturday 7th March
Kytes Lane, Durley
Kevin Willsher was pissed right off. Burridge hadn't been awarded a penalty kick, and had he a gun handy there's every chance that he would've drawn it from his black Umbro shorts and blown a big hole in the match officials head. As it was he ran towards the referee, yelling at him to, 'open his fucking eyes,' to which the referee responded by pulling a yellow card from his top pocket, showing it to the Burridge defender, who made his way back to his position thinking about .44 Magnums.Burridge have now clocked up 23 yellow cards this season. With each one carrying an £8 fine, the sum owed by the club to the Southampton football association totals £184, without even taking into consideration the £33 Ryan Jones was docked for his red card dismissal against Comrades. To think he'd only been on the field for ten minutes. Club captain, Kristian Hewitt, followed Willsher into the referee's book for dissent, and although unable to remember exactly what he said, was sure he included the words, 'wanker' and 'cheating bastard.'
Greg Baker had already conceded a penalty when he received his third booking in four weeks, again for dissent. Too often this season Baker's temper has gotten the better of him. It's come to my attention of late that the curtains of his flat are drawn closed, he doesn't return my telephone calls, and they'll be no second date with that girl, leaving one to wonder what inner demons he's wrestling with. Suddenly it all becomes so clear.....(pictured below: Greg Baker during more relaxed times).
She couldn't have been sober. No, it must've been the third glass of dry white wine that convinced her to go back to Baker's flat, but she slipped on those damned stairs, fell back and hit her head on the stone foyer floor. Blood trickled from her ears as he checked her pulse. Not a dicky-bird. Nobody would believe it was an accident, not with that viscous temper of his. But Baker couldn't face doing time. So it was many hours later under the cover of darkness, 4:27am, her body safely despatched off the side of the Itchen bridge that he returned home to bed for a few hours of fitful sleep. Let go, Greg. It wasn't your fault, but your cover has been blown.
We all have our little nuances, Greg. The sound of cutlery banged together sends Bryn Schwodler to his knees begging for mercy, while Lee Fielder would rather roll his car off the M27 than have the volume of his digital stereo set to an odd number, and you dispose of the bodies of women who refuse your sexual advances into the choppy waters of the Itchen River. Hey, don't get short with me, I'm merely seeing it through the crooked eyes of the law. Tell you what, square the £24 tab you owe with club and we'll say no more about it.
The Burridge XI that lost 2-1 to Durley were......
GK:Stanfield
RB:Baker (Reid) yellow carded
CB:K.Hewitt (c )yellow carded
CB:Willsher - yellow carded
LB:Me
LM:B.Schwodler
CM:Allan
CM:S.Hewitt
RM:J.Schwodler
CF:Judd (Andrews)
CF:S.Schwodler - scored to pull it back to 2-1
Last word goes to club captain, Kristian Hewitt, in philosophical mood after this latest defeat.
"Referees are just freaks who wanted to play football, but can't."
