Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Burridge Eagerly Await The Nobel Peace Prize Candidate Shortlist


(Pictured above: Lee Fielder's self portrait - "Sure, Greg Baker is vain, but he's got nothing on me." Picture courtesy of Facebook)

Saturday 20th September 2008
Burridge AFC 3-0 AFC Hop

Lee Fielder left colleagues stunned by completing ninety minutes of football for the first time since Saturday 21st October 2006. During this period Fielder decided to abandon employment as we know it to follow his dream. In the twenty-three months henceforth, that perfect Facebook profile picture remains elusive.This has left Fielder frustrated and deeply under whelmed by Photoshop, planet Earth’s market leader for image manipulation. With his ambitions in ruins, Fielder has vowed to return and complete what he set out to conquer almost two years ago once software packages have caught up with his vision.

During this hiatus from not just the game of football, but also work and effectively life as sentient human beings know it in the twenty-first century, team mate Bryn Schwodler has embarked in a relationship with a woman with whom he’s travelled three continents alongside, settling back in England to allow her to give birth to his child. The fact that Schwodler remains with his spouse detracts nothing from the sheer mind boggling amount of time Fielder has dedicated in pursuing his goal.

It wasn’t until half time in his return to the Burridge team on Saturday afternoon that his team-mates fully appreciated just how long Fielder had been out of the game, giving him a quickrefresher of the rules, reminding him that although outfield player’s hands were not permitted to touch the ball, a handball appeal was both inappropriate and futile when the opposition were taking a throw in.

Only a month ago Fielder, 29 years of age from Whitebeam Road in Hedge-End, would have thought nothing of putting himself through gruelling eighteen hour Facebook sessions. Equipped with only a digital camera, a pair of aviator shades and minimal foundation, he chased the seemingly impossible, the greatest aesthetic of our times - the perfect Facebook profile picture.

Not at any time during the creative process becoming distracted by comparisons with himself and Pop Art movement painters such as Roy Lichenstein or Andy Warhol. Clearly something he has no time for, as essentially it is for others to make and not the artist himself. Although if a twenty inch painting of a can of soup can make such an impact on the public’s collective consciousness it’s evident that the comparison is invalid and that perhaps Fielder's offering to the art world's oeuvre is beyond the medium itself, and in fact a bold statement of peace to all of mankind. His first half strike broke the deadlock against a plucky AFC Hop side, marking a remarkable return to normal life.

3-4-3: Stanfield, M.Sanderson, K.Hewitt (c) (Baker), J.Schwodler, Judd (L.Sanderson), Allan, Newman, Jones, B.Schwodler, Rowe (S.Hewitt), Fielder

Unused subs: S.Schwodler, Reeves, Andrews, Willsher

H/T: 2-0

Scorers:
Lee Fielder - little man robbing giant keeper.
Own goal - what a header!Bryn Schwodler - whizz bang.

Booked: M. Sanderson - foul play.




2 comments:

fields said...

how come i didn't get a mention?

fields said...

im sure i could do someone for copyright issues there...

Looking back (bringing back the blog)

I haven't posted here since 2012 – that’s five years of not blogging. The blog is/was about Burridge AFC, the football team I played f...