BURRIDGE AFC 4 - 0 HEDGE-END

Burridge romped to victory in front of a bumper crowd against Hedge End. “Knock it down the right-back’s throat,” shouted Hedge-End midfielder Rich Allan, referring to his childhood friend and Burridge defender Jay Schwodler, but these words came back to haunt him. This fixture had been eagerly anticipated by Burridge since Ross Bryant and skipper Rich Allan defected to Hedge End during the summer – something that Jay Schwodler discovered through the grapevine rather than the horse’s mouth.

This game represented a story of love, heartache and betrayal lead by the main protagonists of Allan and Schwodler. As boys they would stay up late together to watch their hero Hulk Hogan of the World Wrestling Federation act out many a staged victory. Cripes, they even went out with sisters for some time, some time ago. It appeared that the two were inseparable but as we all know from the bitter taste of experience – nothing ever lasts forever. They don’t go out with those sisters anymore, they no longer play for the same team, and they’ve grown out of watching men with waxed chests and fake tan take do battle in an orgy of steroids and homo-erotic pre-text. Well, two out of three are certainly true.

Hedge-End began the game at a furious pace. Burridge had again started sluggishly but slowly Hewitt began to pull the strings in midfield. As half-time approached Burridge took the lead through no other than Jay Schwodler. He arrived in the box to thump into the net, a dagger into the heart of Allan and Hedge End, who never recovered from this set back. Bryn Schwodler added two more with astute finishes between a Lee Fielder pile driver to send the Burridge faithful into raptures and Hedge End home with their tail between their legs.

4-4-2: S.Schwodler, J.Schwodler, K.Willsher, P.Dyke, L.Sanderson, J.Newman, J.Hewitt, M.Reeves, G.Baker, B.Hutton (L.Fielder), B.Schwodler. Unused Subs: M.Birks, K.Hewitt, J.Hutton, M.Sanderson

Burridge 1-2 AFC Hop

Burridge slumped to a painful home defeat at the hands of AFC Hop. But let us for a moment regress to the past to understand the present. As children, many of us played Top-Trumps, wet play-times at school would vanish but hopes and prayers failed to summon that elusive E-type Jag that would surely win back a caboodle of cards. Of course for some of us, this was the first step into speedy descent of gambling, addiction, vice and regret – but this isn’t the place to discuss the Burridge squad’s pastimes.

If Burridge were a hand of Top-Trump cards they’d be formidable; Bryn Schwodler – not just a strange arrangement of consonants around some lonely vowels – but high scores in balance and footwork. Jamie Hewitt – close control and ability to keep possession, and Ben Hutton – powerful in the air, with the ability to strike with both feet. How Burridge would blow away their opponents. Alas – and apologies if this comes as news – but football is not Top-Trumps, it is a separate but equally rewarding game, where the sum of a team’s parts doesn’t determine the final outcome.

Although Burridge enjoyed much of the possession during the first half they were unable to capitalise and found themselves a goal down from a classic counter attack that caught them cold. Although Jamie Hewitt levelled after a goalkeeping mistake Burridge were never as comfortable as they would have liked to be, and with minutes left they conceded what turned out to be the winner. Burridge were left to reflect on defeat, with the words of Big Ron echoing in their ears (no, not his infamous words) but when he said, “When the final whistle’s gone, can you look yourself in the mirror, did I do enough?” On evidence here it would appear not.

4-4-2: S.Schwodler, L.Sanderson, M.Sanderson, K.Willsher, J.Schwodler, G.Baker, M.Reeves (L.Fielder), B.Hutton, J.Newman (K.Hewitt), B.Schwodler, J.Hewitt

4th Nov '06: Buridge AFC