Sunday, 1 March 2009

Burridge AFC 1-2 Netley Central

I reckon I just might puke

Date:Saturday 28th February
Venue: Burridge, Southampton, 'amp-shire.

I don't reckon we'd played more than twenty minutes when I started thinking, where has the feeling gone in my legs? Has last night's Kronenbourg got anything to do with this? And, why do I keep doing this to myself? I needed something. Maybe a quick shooter of Benzedrine, or perhaps a small dab of the old anabolic. Anything to pick me up and put an end to this hell. Unfortunately, the Burridge medical budget doesn't stretch to anything stronger than Ralgex and a wet sponge. So I struggled on.

I consoled myself with the fact that things could always be worse. Fans favourite, Justin Newman, once again belied his 37 years of age, by playing like a 45 year old. A ball played into my feet wouldn't go amiss you old git. Doesn't he realise how bloody slow I am? If chasing after a team who must have been ten years younger than most of us wasn't bad enough, regaining possession of the ball was even worse. That's because once we got it back we were so knackered it took everything we had not to give it straight back.

Take a good look at the photograph above. Bryn Schwodler has both eyes on the ball, while fan's favourite, Justin Newman, is the furthest player to the right in blue and black stripes, working tirelessly trying to catch up with his own shadow. You can do it, Justin! But best of all is the conclusive proof that their linesman was a cheating bastard. What in blazes is he raising his flag for? Offside my fat hairy arse.

(Pictured below) Everyone's favourite blue eyed thing, Mark Reeves, gives it the only way he knows how - 'ard!

(Below) Rich Allan has a slight disagreement with their centre forward, while Mike Reid feels a bit rough.

Special thanks to the injured Kristian Hewitt and Lee Fielder in managing the side in gaffer, Pete Lyon's absence. They both admitted that man managing man-child, Bryn Schwodler was one of the toughest things they've ever had to do. When you bear in mind that not only has Lee Fielder been known to be having it away with up to four birds at the same time, the poor bastard's also got fan's favourite, Justin Newman as a boss.

No doubt Pete's having a great time in France romancing the Schwodler's mum.

The Burridge starting XI

RB:Baker (J.Schwodler)
CB:Willsher (c)
LB:Marks aka M.Sanderson
CM:Newman (Reid)
LM:B.Schwodler - pulled it back to 2-1 with a header.
CF:S.Schwodler - booked


Next week: Burridge are away to Durley.


Jimmy Bastard said...

The secret of sturdy legs on a Sunday morning, is to just nip the oul hair of the dog before you hit the pitch.

I used to swear by a chicken tikka breakfast (aye, leftovers) and a bottle of stout. You can run, fuck, and fight on the Guinness you know.

Emerson Marks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emerson Marks said...

Cheers for the tip off, Jimmy.

I do love Chicken Tikka.

I love a pint of Guinness as well.

You know where you stand with Guinness, it doesn't play any nasty tricks on you like Kronie and Stella tend to.

Anonymous said...


fields said...

oh i love it. this new blog really is something else. tell ya who is something else.. their number 14. what a guy. what a player. what a team player. awesome.

Emerson Marks said...

I know you don't get to play as many games as you'd like anymore, Lee.

So I've added your picture to be forever on the blog. (Scroll down to the right.)

Yes, that number 14 was all blow and no go. I mean you can't just walk off the pitch in a huff.

The Gaffer said...

good effort against a side who have scored plenty this season I knew it would be tight.see you all wednesday.the gaffer

Luke said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Luke said...

I really thought we were going to get a draw in the second half lads, but it never came. Do your hair all nice for next week, I'm going to bring the camera again.

NO.1FAN said...

If u look at the pic of bryn u can c that cheat of a linesman with his flag up, when we can clearly c bryn is onside that just sums up that lino and the fact when there manager said to him your going on! his reply was 'can some one go and get my shin pads out of my car for me' . a good second half deserved a draw!

Emerson Marks said...

NO.1 FAN - your contribution is always welcome.
I trust you'll be taking your position in the director's box this Saturday against Durley. You'll have to excuse me, I've got an ice bath to soak in.

Wilts said...

Gutted about that result lads! They were a decent side but i thought we matched them. Lets start putting these chances away and the results will come. Gotta be 3 points at Durley.

69 said...

first of all im not 45,i just look it,i can only say im sorry,2 bad passes in one game is not bad,or were they bad passes,i seem to remember each pass was directed to our left back and the other to our right back,both players seemed to be frozen in time,or there boots were screwed to the pitch,because they were static,maybe its time for me to go in defence,na i still move to much, even if it is at 5mph,still quicker than half the team though.Sorry im not around saturday but im sulking,how dare you let lee fielder take me off,he is now unemployed or texting some girl,can never find him at work. Good luck for saturday lads,easy win i even scored against them last year???

Lukey said...

Where are you going Saturday 69? Is the recovery time 2 weeks these days?

savannah said...

so now i have another sport to learn about, sugar? is that it? and here it is spring training season. damn, i am gonna be a busy lil gal this year! ;) xoxo

scarlet-blue said...

*runs for the hills*

scarlet-blue said...

Oh.. I've just spotted Lee...

Emerson Marks said...

A warm welcome to Burridge to both Savannah and Scarlet-blue.

Don't worry, ladies. We're not hung up on anything as draconian as rules here.

Or football judging by recent results.

Gorilla Bananas said...

You sounds as if you've got a good footballing brain. Maybe you should be the midfield general. Spend the whole 90 minutes in the centre circle pointing at people and shouting "man on!" or whatever the expression is. There's more to football than running, kicking and tackling, no?

Emerson Marks said...

You're right on the money, GB.
Has a career as a football agent ever crossed your mind? Obviously, the pay at the Drew Smith Group League would be peanuts compared to what's earned professionally. Or perhaps we could pay you in bananas?

Wilts said...

Good to see Scarlet on the blog, i love you!!

savannah said...

thank you, sugar! i'm a quick study, just as jimmy ;) xox

Donn Coppens said...

An absolutely delightful recounting of the gam..match.

Next time the feeling in y'er pins starts to go, think of Chariots Of Fire and think whan Ah roon, Ah fayl hees playzure!

cue Vangelis
Dee Dee-Dee DA Dee

Dubious George said...

Was S. Schwodler booked on account of jealousy over his fantastic name?

And how did J. Schwodler get away with it?

Emerson Marks said...

Welcome to Burridge DC,tell you what, the score from Chariots of Fire stirs something in me everytime.

Next time I'm blowing out my back-side (that's football speak for being well and truly knackered) I'll hum that tune.

Dubious George - Jay Schwodler has been getting away with it for years. Poor Sam has never been so lucky, as her majesty's pleasure will testify.

Mind you he's kept his nose clean for quite some years now.

Pearl said...

I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but it made me laugh to read it.
I'm comin' back and you can't stop me.
Mwa ha ha ha haaaaa

Emerson Marks said...

All are welcome upon the good ship Burridge, Pearl.

Anonymous said...

I am loving his blog, good to see some new faces on here, Emerson your the man!!

Looking back (bringing back the blog)

I haven't posted here since 2012 – that’s five years of not blogging. The blog is/was about Burridge AFC, the football team I played f...