I reckon I just might puke
Date:Saturday 28th February
Venue: Burridge, Southampton, 'amp-shire.
I don't reckon we'd played more than twenty minutes when I started thinking, where has the feeling gone in my legs? Has last night's Kronenbourg got anything to do with this? And, why do I keep doing this to myself? I needed something. Maybe a quick shooter of Benzedrine, or perhaps a small dab of the old anabolic. Anything to pick me up and put an end to this hell. Unfortunately, the Burridge medical budget doesn't stretch to anything stronger than Ralgex and a wet sponge. So I struggled on.
I consoled myself with the fact that things could always be worse. Fans favourite, Justin Newman, once again belied his 37 years of age, by playing like a 45 year old. A ball played into my feet wouldn't go amiss you old git. Doesn't he realise how bloody slow I am? If chasing after a team who must have been ten years younger than most of us wasn't bad enough, regaining possession of the ball was even worse. That's because once we got it back we were so knackered it took everything we had not to give it straight back.
Take a good look at the photograph above. Bryn Schwodler has both eyes on the ball, while fan's favourite, Justin Newman, is the furthest player to the right in blue and black stripes, working tirelessly trying to catch up with his own shadow. You can do it, Justin! But best of all is the conclusive proof that their linesman was a cheating bastard. What in blazes is he raising his flag for? Offside my fat hairy arse.
(Pictured below) Everyone's favourite blue eyed thing, Mark Reeves, gives it the only way he knows how - 'ard!
(Below) Rich Allan has a slight disagreement with their centre forward, while Mike Reid feels a bit rough.
Special thanks to the injured Kristian Hewitt and Lee Fielder in managing the side in gaffer, Pete Lyon's absence. They both admitted that man managing man-child, Bryn Schwodler was one of the toughest things they've ever had to do. When you bear in mind that not only has Lee Fielder been known to be having it away with up to four birds at the same time, the poor bastard's also got fan's favourite, Justin Newman as a boss.
No doubt Pete's having a great time in France romancing the Schwodler's mum.
The Burridge starting XI
LB:Marks aka M.Sanderson
LM:B.Schwodler - pulled it back to 2-1 with a header.
CF:S.Schwodler - booked
Next week: Burridge are away to Durley.