Sunday, 29 March 2009

Stag 1 - Bournemouth

Strippers too busy getting them under-crackers off to notice any credit crumbles.

Occasion: Kristian Hewitt's Stag weekend
Date: Friday 27th March - Sunday 28th March 2009
Venue: Seaside, Bournemouth

If it's gone four in the morning and the gin and tonic you've just ordered has barely given you enough change from a tenner to buy stamps, you really don't give a toss whether the girls show any interest in the hogwash you've been going on about your job. When you wake up in the morning you'll be more concerned about the size of the carrot that the bank will be poking in your bottom for going over drawn, but right now all you want to see is them girls getting those under-crackers off. Mind you, that doesn't seem to stop them saying that they like your hair. Or that they used to live down your street from your current address, or anything else to squeeze a few extra quid out of you. Mind you, they're not all like that. One I was with was different. She took a real interest in the career I was lying to her about. We connected on what I would call a spiritual level. And while I cannot remember her name, I do recall her being very much into me.

(Above - Stag, Kristian Hewitt and best man, Bryn Schwodler)

Well done to Bryn for organising the whole weekend, and well done to all the other lads for not getting into anything other than a bit of good old fashioned mischief.

The Burridge representatives who went on Kristian's stag do were:

Kristian Hewitt - 9/10 I've not seen such an enthusiastic performance from him.
Bryn Schwodler
Justin Newman
Lee Fielder 6/10 foundation and hair product held up well
Ryan Jones 5/10 loses marks for poor second half performance.
Sam Hewitt 7/10 Needs to spend less time falling out of bed.
Paul Andrews 5/10 slept through England game.
Jay Schwodler
6/10 one girl passer by described him as miserable. Unfair?
Kev Willsher
Rich Allan
Mark Reeves
Marc Judd - 7.5/10 Hanging spectacularly on Saturday
Ben Rowe
Greg Baker - 6/10 - Did I see a bottle of water in his hands late on Saturday?
Luke Sanderson 8/10 lasted distance.
Scott Burnet

Plenty of time now to get reaqainted with some shut eye for Wednesday night's game against Northend.


savannah said...

stag parties! good fun, sugar, especially, if y'all can post pictures later! xoxo

Jimmy Bastard said...

I'm sure you managed to score, but did she assist you with a header?

Emerson Marks said...

Savanah - perhaps photos will surface later on.

Jimmy - the angle was too tight, so I passed the opportunity on to a team mate in a better position.

Emerson Marks said...

Somehow I neglected to say in the post that these particular girls were strippers.

fields said...

6/10?? That's only one mark higher than Andrews! Not happy with that, I've got to say..

I'll agree that my hair did look good though.

Lukey said...

I've been edited out of the team by the looks of things!! I was thinking 4 Fields. Can anyone tell me how to get to Matchams, yeah Matchams?

Emerson Marks said...

I knew I'd forgotten somebody...consider yourself back on the team.

Lee - Andrews' performance was consistant with previous efforts.

scarlet-blue said...

Hello Mr Fielder... *Blushes and runs away giggling in an attractive fashion*

wilts said...

Wheres my mark sandford?? Im giving myself 8.5/10, i lasted the distance and didn't drink water at any point, so well deserved i think!

Emerson Marks said...

Wilts, you can't go giving yourself a higher mark than Bryn when you didn't last the distance on Saturday.

Although, much to Fan's Favourite, Justin Newman's (TM) horror, Bryn was drinking Coca Cola early in the afternoon.

I'll give you a 7 or 8, but 8.5 is pushing a bit I'm afraid.

Pearl said...

Sounds absolutely charming.
Strippers are known for their ability to suss out the most interesting men in any bar and I'm hoping they gave as good as they got.

juddy said...

excuse me mr sanderson but i was not hanging on saturday morning meerly very tired. how could i be hanging if i still felt pissed at 5 pm!! lucky i wasnt go karting or there may have been a bigger car wreck then some of those strippers looked like they were lucky to walk away from

Emerson Marks said...

I'll give you th benefit of the doubt, Juddy. At least you weren't nursing soft drinks during core drinking hours.

wilts said...

ok sandy fair point. At least i didn't resort to soft drinks though!

Richie Rich said...

cant believe how good that film was kev, the fact we dont know wat its called ,wat it was about or why we even watched it at 5 in the morning is beyond me !!! but he had a great tash and a way with words

wilts said...

What was it the guy with the tash said Rich, "now you are going to kill yourself!" film was fucking awful, but very funny indeed!

wilts said...

Also we should have turned the TV up a bit louder, jay clearly needed waking up.

Looking back (bringing back the blog)

I haven't posted here since 2012 – that’s five years of not blogging. The blog is/was about Burridge AFC, the football team I played f...