Friday, 27 March 2009

Dangerous Thursday

I was walking down Portswood Road enjoying the afternoon sun when the first punch landed me in the ribs. I ducked the second which was quickly followed by a few swift kicks to my shins, and while I'm not proud of everything I've done in my life, I've got a rule – I don't hit women. Not even after they've come zig-zagging in and out of moving cars with a look of psychotic rage in their dead eyes and start trying to beat the living shit out of me.

I pushed her away. She went on screaming at me for money out of a mouth filled with gaps where teeth once stood. Although technically she was spot on in identifying me as a fucking wanker, labelling me a cocksucker was inaccurate. I would have told her so, but still a little worked up from the ordeal of having her dirty claws all over me, I only managed to blurt out that had she been a bloke I'd have put her head through the nearest window. Not the usual patter I offer the ladies.

In a few hours time Burridge skive out of work early and drive westbound down the M27 to the seaside for Kristian Hewitt's (pictured right) stag weekend. My only hope is that all twenty-five lads attending remember to bring their drinking boots, otherwise they might find themselves getting well and truly blogged on Sunday afternoon.


Have a good weekend.

6 comments:

wilts said...

You should have hit her anyway mate, none if this of you were man b*******! The bitch clearly deserved it!

Emerson Marks said...

Wilts! I'm logging out and leaving work now. See you at the seaside!

Gorilla Bananas said...

She wanted money from you? Are you sure you don't owe her for services rendered? Men who've been drinking sometimes forget the debts they've run up.

scarlet-blue said...

Goodness me Mr Bananas, she doesn't sound like Mr Marks's type of woman at all.
Let me comfort you Mr Marks, I have a broad chest.
Sx

Jimmy Bastard said...

Aye.. a broad chest with an arse to match.

Drink your fill boys... drink your fill.

scarlet-blue said...

Oh, you are sooo wrong Mr Jimmy...
Sx

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