Bush Hill 6-2 Burridge

Southampton Trophyman Cup
Green Park, Millbrook

Paul Dyke celebrated his birthday by scoring an own goal. He wanted to put the ball out for a corner kick. Instead he put Bush Hill one-nil up. He was at full stretch. There was nothing he could do. Jonesy was in goal for Burridge. There was nothing he could do either. Bush Hill won the Southampton Premier League last year. Before the game they stood linking arms in a huddle. They all shouted something as it broke. It sound liked kicking out time in town. Burridge were taking pot shots at Jonesy. He wore a baseball cap to protect his view into the low sun. There was no escaping it. He looked like he'd escaped from a Young Offender Institution.

Bush-Hill were never in trouble, unless Burridge scored. It happened twice. Both times Bush Hill's manager went bat shit. When Bryn Schwodler's shot against the post he just went ape-shit. There was a consistency in his shit goings. The referee looked like he needed a holiday. Millbrook wasn't on the short list. There's no beach, nor are there any sights to speak of.

Jay Schwodler got hacked in two because he hacked somebody else. The hacking was done by Bush Hill's centre forward. His hair was cut right down to the wood. His and Marc Judd's hair combined amounted to even less than one imagines to be found on Gary Lineker's ball-bag. He had the number 99 on the back of his red shirt. Nobody asked him if it was because he liked ice-cream. The referee did not send him off. He was too busy thinking about his holidays. Jay lay in the mud moaning for water. Burridge manager Pete Lyons, ran onto the pitch with the bucket of cold water and gave Jay the wet sponge treatment. It seemed to do the trick. It's a versatile liquid.

Bryn Schwodler's goal for Burridge was good. His brother Sam's was better. He was nearer the half way line than the goal when he shot. Few players enjoy their goals as much as Sam. He shouted at no one in particular on the sideline. His voice was full of four letter words. The only ones that made you ever open a dictionary when you were young. It made little difference to the result. Next week Burridge play Wellow. It should be easier going. Although you're not supposed to say that.

Burridge lined up in a good old fashioned 4-4-2 formation.

GK:Ryan Jones
RB:Sam Hewitt
CB:Paul Dyke
CB:Kev Willsher
LB:Mark Sanderson
RM:Jay Schwodler
CM:Justin Newman
CM:Rich Allan
LM:Kristian Hewitt (C ) (Marc Judd)
CF:Ben Rowe (Paul Andrews)
CF:Bryn Schwodler (Sam Schwodler)


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Burridge AFC 1-2 Netley Central

I reckon I just might puke

Date:Saturday 28th February
Venue: Burridge, Southampton, 'amp-shire.

I don't reckon we'd played more than twenty minutes when I started thinking, where has the feeling gone in my legs? Has last night's Kronenbourg got anything to do with this? And, why do I keep doing this to myself? I needed something. Maybe a quick shooter of Benzedrine, or perhaps a small dab of the old anabolic. Anything to pick me up and put an end to this hell. Unfortunately, the Burridge medical budget doesn't stretch to anything stronger than Ralgex and a wet sponge. So I struggled on.



I consoled myself with the fact that things could always be worse. Fans favourite, Justin Newman, once again belied his 37 years of age, by playing like a 45 year old. A ball played into my feet wouldn't go amiss you old git. Doesn't he realise how bloody slow I am? If chasing after a team who must have been ten years younger than most of us wasn't bad enough, regaining possession of the ball was even worse. That's because once we got it back we were so knackered it took everything we had not to give it straight back.

Take a good look at the photograph above. Bryn Schwodler has both eyes on the ball, while fan's favourite, Justin Newman, is the furthest player to the right in blue and black stripes, working tirelessly trying to catch up with his own shadow. You can do it, Justin! But best of all is the conclusive proof that their linesman was a cheating bastard. What in blazes is he raising his flag for? Offside my fat hairy arse.

(Pictured below) Everyone's favourite blue eyed thing, Mark Reeves, gives it the only way he knows how - 'ard!



(Below) Rich Allan has a slight disagreement with their centre forward, while Mike Reid feels a bit rough.




Special thanks to the injured Kristian Hewitt and Lee Fielder in managing the side in gaffer, Pete Lyon's absence. They both admitted that man managing man-child, Bryn Schwodler was one of the toughest things they've ever had to do. When you bear in mind that not only has Lee Fielder been known to be having it away with up to four birds at the same time, the poor bastard's also got fan's favourite, Justin Newman as a boss.

No doubt Pete's having a great time in France romancing the Schwodler's mum.

The Burridge starting XI

GK:Stanfield
RB:Baker (J.Schwodler)
CB:Judd
CB:Willsher (c)
LB:Marks aka M.Sanderson
RM:Allan
CM:Reeves
CM:Newman (Reid)
LM:B.Schwodler - pulled it back to 2-1 with a header.
CF:S.Hewitt
CF:S.Schwodler - booked

SUB:J.Schwodler
SUB:Reid
SUB:Fielder

Next week: Burridge are away to Durley.