Thursday, 26 February 2009

Terminal trouser

Well, that's just about torn it. The crotch in my trouser has all but perished. To think I handed my £14.99 over the counter of H&M all those years ago in good faith for these cheap imitation combat pants. At a rough estimate I'd say I've got four weeks wear left in them before my old chum, trouser mouse, is exposed to the world.

But still the rumours persist among the tittle tattle of the Burridge locker room.

'Is he pocketing all the money he collects from us for himself?'

If the state of my crotch hasn't already made it clear, allow me this opportunity to inform you that some people are still out there doing things out of the goodness of their own hearts, without the promise of any financial or sexual reward. Although don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those stuffy types who's going to get all high and mighty about it if someone wants to blow me.

Just because I'm busy providing loyal service to Burridge, the club I've represented for 12 years by collecting £3 from every player for Wednesday's training session at Wildern school, £5 from everyone who plays on a Saturday afternoon, and £8 from anybody who receives a yellow card, in order to pay the club's bills, doesn't mean I'm too big for my boots about receiving a blow job from errant strangers outside public toilets, okay?

It's regrettable that we've had to wait until the crotch of my trouser has been worn down to the thickness of a Rizla paper before making this public knowledge, but there you go.

Just glad we've had the chance to clear this up.


Gorilla Bananas said...

So you're waiting for your trouser crotch to wear down before getting a blow job? Seems pretty tedious to me. Why don't you just whip it out and ask for one?

Emerson Marks said...

The mouse is staying in the house for the time being.

Jimmy Bastard said...

There are no many things in this life more important than a mooth mooch from the fairer sex, reet pal?
Apart from of course.. fitba!

Fitba is the be all and end all of existence. I recognise your greatness, and bow to your sacrifice for the beautiful game.

Heff said...

You're keeping their coin to purchase new trousers, aren't you.

Emerson Marks said...

Heff - it'd be one heck of a pair of strides.

Jimmy B - Spot on - fitba, as you call it, stands alone as the be all and all.

That and shredding your axe eh, Heff.

Looking back (bringing back the blog)

I haven't posted here since 2012 – that’s five years of not blogging. The blog is/was about Burridge AFC, the football team I played f...