Burridge AFC 0-3 AFC Solent

Long before the lad's mag market stumbled upon brutal air-brushing techniques that could propel any woman to equal stature of Aphrodite, something sinister was allowed to exist. If one casts their eye back to yesterday, jumbled memories of the Joy Of Sex book bring confused images of virulently bearded men whose insistence to adopt various unflattering positions confused our young minds. Justin Newman - a thirty-five year old - like minded young and virile man, has produced two children into this world to testify to the former. But, come Saturday afternoon it appeared he had tired of the touch of woman folk. He'd found something new.

After exchanging petty hacks with each other around the centre circle, Burridge midfielder Newman and his opposite number fell to the deck, in seemingly pre-coital embrace. With Newman laid flat on the grass, clearly aware of his new friend's choice - or perhaps lack of -toothpaste, a horde of players came rushing in like excitable wildlife lovers at the pen of mating pandas.

Of course, the referee failed to see this. Such a claim seemed somewhat wild, but the official was at least consistent with his inability to see little else for the rest of the afternoon, which was at best, a untidy and scrappy game. The only high point for Burridge coming in the form of seventeen year old debutant Sam Hewitt, who put into an energetic and courageous performance. Naturally, Burridge will point to the long list of injured players. But any team is only as strong as their weakest link and on current showing Burridge are just a little short of the mark.