Referee Very Keen To Explain Offside Rule

Saturday 3rd January 2009
Southampton BTC, Stoneham Lane
Comrades Reserves 1-4 Burridge AFC

Saturday’s match official between Comrades Reserves and Burridge left everybody flabbergasted when he chose to send a player off from each side for what appeared to be nothing more than handbags at dawn. Although unable to fully explain his decision to dismiss eighteen year old Burridge substitute Ryan Jones, he did at least give second half Burridge linesman, Paul Andrews, the full benefit of his understanding of the offside rule.

While quite unable to avoid forcibly communicating his point with his hands, the official miraculously managed to avoid using table condiments in fully conveying his depiction of law eleven of the game in a monologue lasting a mere ten minutes. An act that seemed even more selfless, seeing as he chose to ignore his linesman at every given opportunity.

One can only thank heavens that just fifteen minutes of the second half had passed when the referee noticed that Burridge had changed linesman, otherwise Andrews would have been left bewildered with what exactly he was supposed to be doing with a fluorescent green flag on the end of a bulbous wooden handle. Luckily, there was a referee on hand with some sense.