Thursday, 14 January 2010

No training and imaginary heaving bosoms

Above: Justin Newman comes to terms with Saturdays without football

Southampton had another finger of snow on Tuesday night so I called Wildern Leisure Centre to see if their outdoor football pitch was available for Burridge's Wednesday night training session. It wasn't. A girl's voice answered the telephone. It sounded like the ones I imagine you get on those premium rate numbers.

“I was just going to call you,” she said as I resisted any temptation to reach inside the zip of my fly. “We've not been able to clear the pitch. So it's not gonna be available tonight. Sorry.”

I broke the news to the players by text. Only Lee Fielder seemed pleased. He was probably glad of an extra week's grace for his newly pierced nipple to settle in. Self employed metal worker Mark Reeves, took the news somewhat less stoically. “Shocking,” he said. “I was really looking forward to training.” In a last futile gesture he crossed his fingers for the chance of a Burridge game going ahead this Saturday.

Not able to play football I was once again sat on the sofa watching it on television. Liverpool against Reading on ITV with a big drink in my hand to take the edge off Clive Tyldesley. “When he hits them,” he said from the gantry about Liverpool player Daniel Agger, “they stay hit.” Quite how Reading's kit manufacturers have managed to make such a mess out of blue and white hoops is beyond me. As far as I'm concerned no team has any business wearing that kit unless they're Queens Park Rangers.

Oh bum, has anyone seen the BBC's forecast for the remainder of week? Heavy rain is pencilled in. With heavy pencil.

Note to players: Are you planning on going to Milton Keynes to watch Saints next Wednesday? Let me know. That way I can give Pete an idea what we're like for numbers at training.

14 comments:

fields said...

a few are planning to go.. and i'll definitely be watching the 2nd leg of villa v blackburn

Gorilla Bananas said...

How can you play football with a man who's pierced his nipple? Can you imagine Bobby Charlton letting fly from 35 yards with a pierced nipple? What is the world coming to?

fields said...

i don't really play.. i'm mainly for show

Mark Emerson Sanderson said...

I've heard on good authority that Bobby Charlton used to get up to some fairly mucky old antics. But no, I can't imagine it.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Is the piecing prep for the calendar?

Lukey said...

Gooch pouch next Fielder.

Wilts said...

Im with GB on this one, the voice of reason as always.

Mark Emerson Sanderson said...

But what do you think? How would the voice of Burridge's defence, Paul Dyke, look with a nipple ring? Or would he better suited with a tattoo? Perhaps Paul Andrews will get his bicep tattooed with a tiger with a plumbing spanner in one paw and a cup of tea in the other?

Scarlet Blue said...

Lee Fielder? Pierced nipple? Sorry... I've gone a bit odd...
Sx

Scarlet Blue said...

And WV was: Ringstio
Sx

Mark Emerson Sanderson said...

Pull yourself together woman. You're acting if you've never seen a gold ring hanging from the milk teat of chiselled and hairless torso.

Eryl Shields said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a warm dry spell: you sound very much like you need to run around with intention.

Madame DeFarge said...

I feel somewhat bereft of footballing action these days. Hope you get to play soon.

Ponita in Real Life said...

I know this comment is a little late, but how is that nipple ring going to fare in games? How long before it gets ripped out and he's clutching his chest and screaming like a girl??? That'll be a big Ouch!

Looking back (bringing back the blog)

I haven't posted here since 2012 – that’s five years of not blogging. The blog is/was about Burridge AFC, the football team I played f...