Friday, 22 July 2005

ARE YOU MARK SANDERSON?/LOST IN THE WOODS.


Well, I've just got in, after setting out at 7pm, not after a night boozing I might add. No. A night running. I thought it would be a spiffing idea to go to Lyndhurst take it down to Beaulieu (where Status Quo were playing! Will Young tomorrow if you're interested Lee?) Lymington, Brockenhurst & back to Lyndhurst.

Of course I forgot that invariably it does get dark of an evening, and by ten I decided it was getting too dangerous to continue, so I'd walk the few centimeters indicated on the map. Alas those centimeters turned out to be 7 miles! 7 bloody miles! It took over an hour.

I may be 26, but as I live at home I still kopped it from my Mother who though I'd been gang-raped by a group of rowdy owls or more realistically hit by a car; my beautiful corpse left for the badgers.

It occurred to me that these things happen to me quite a lot, usually when I'm alone and when I'm in charge. So answer the following questions to find if you're Mark Sanderson....

(1) It's 1998, the streets are awash with men in black slip on shoes and Ralph Lauren button down shirts (still), the country is gripped by World Cup fever. You decide to pop into one of the cities most popular haunts; Schooners. You're served a pint that tastes like malt vinegar.
Do you....
(a) Inform the barman immediately that your drink needs replacing.
(b) Leave the drink, the bar's too busy at the moment.
OR
(c) Drink it back and proceed to throw up all over the girl at the cloakroom, making sure you can never return.

(2) It's still 1998, you're traveling to the South of France to visit your Uncle via ferry and Train, do you...
(a) Establish clearly where he lives
(b) Don't worry, just make arrangements for him to meet you on your arrival.
OR
(c) Do neither. After traveling for nearly 24 hours ask the law if they can point you in the right direction of 'Avenue De Fleur', they do but it's the wrong one, 7 miles away, resulting in you having too sleep on the beach like a sap.

(3) It's 2001, you're in Prague enjoying a boozy night with a Czech pal. He insists that you must directly approach the women in the clubs to guarantee bedroom action. Do you....
(a) Congratulate him on his mastering of the British windup.
(b) Suggest that he show how it's done.
OR
(c) Approach every bit of skirt in town, despite many hundred rebuffs you continue, blissfully unaware that the whole thing's a ruse too make you look a tit.

(4) It's 2005, you've enjoyed your hols in Sweden & Latvia but realize you have an early flight home in the morning (9:30am).
Do you...
(a) Stay in & get an early night.
(b) Go out, but take it steady on good old lager tops.
OR
(c) Go out drink & like a tramp, get in at 5am and seriously believe that staying up all night is a sensible idea, before falling asleep missing your flight, making all that hardwork of getting cheap flights mean diddly squat. Then having to fly to Manchester and get a train from there back home. Good job you're loaded, what's that? Oh you're not are you.

If you're answering mostly (c) then I'm afraid you are indeed Mark Sanderson.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I affriad kristian nor me are not you. Did you really miss your plane home? I never heard about that one.
Although we (or should i say I) have had our fair share of miss fortune (or stupidity) in our time with trying to go to Portugal with my out of date passport, going to the wrong city in france and coming home early, and i can't blame anythink on alcohol!
Excellent web site Mark you are certainly good at something!

Anonymous said...

I am afraid that i answered mostly 'Bs' in the 'Are you Mark Sanderson' test, which I guess means that in fact, I am not Mark Sanderson.

In hind sight, I'm really quite glad that my test results came out the way they did, as I think that if I had in fact answered mostly 'Cs' I would be fearful of being called an IDIOT for the rest of my life. Fielder.

Luke said...

I think the title should not have been "Lost In The Woods" but perhaps "Lost In The K Hole". Admit it Mark you're not training for a marathon you are enjoying the comatose stupors of ketamine in your spare time. Up the Burridge.

Looking back (bringing back the blog)

I haven't posted here since 2012 – that’s five years of not blogging. The blog is/was about Burridge AFC, the football team I played f...