Monday, 10 April 2006

Burridge 1 - 0 Paxton

Sunday 9th April
Venue: Whiteley

Here at Burridge blog towers we've heard many an excuse over the years; 'got a nasty case of the hives on my nether regions boss, 'have to take missus to Wickes to fit out our new Summer house' and such like piffle. So when boozy Dave Hopkins rang up Maurice's step son Richie, to say he wasn't playing, we called foul play!

Something about 20 ambulances chasing 100 fire engines in his noggin. The boy doesn't have any previous, but needless to say he was taking pelters in the dressing room. Kristian Hewitt sat in a darkened corner with clenched fists. He'd been looking forward to his day trip on the outer field, but Hopkins and his boozy antics kept him locked up his penalty area cell - with no room mates.

Burridge snitch Jay Schwodler wasted no time in grassing the Hopkins child up to new Saturday gaffer Pete Lyons. Who, apparently on hearing the news (keeper couldn't make afternoon game due to hangover) was aghast; sources close to Blog HQ say Lyons is still open mouthed in astonishment at the level of light weightedness not seen since our mid-nineties teenage hey-days.

Had Hopkins ran into Sienna Miller and Kate Moss for a bit of the old in-out, we'd gladly admonish the lad. But, for having the spunk to call in sick sees the Hopkins child loose all of his man points. Get well soon Dave. Anyway, as for the game; Andy Lovett hit across goal from the right and Bryn Schwodler hit home low and hard into the gaping net about mid-way through the second half. Get in there you beauty!

4-4-2: K.Hewitt, L.Sanderson, P.Dyke, K.Wilsher, M.Sanderson, J.Schwodler, R.Allan, R.Bryant, B.Schwodler, P.Andrews (L.Fielder), A.Lovett. Unused sub: M. Hewlett

16/4 home to Waterlooville
23/4 away to West Meon

Spotted Moo Cow 7 - 1 Aquaseal
West Meon 1 - 2 Spinnaker

PS Well done to the ref; weaker than a drinking challenge from Dirty Dave Hopkins.


fielder said...

our thoughts are with you dave.

obviously none of us can really appreciate what you went through on sunday, but we all said in the changing room that it must have been pretty difficult. as you can probably imagine, we were all very sympethetic towards your cause! what would have happened if it was raining as well though? not even worth thinking about, is it lads.....

BUT, if lance armstrong can win the toure de france seven times in a row, after beating brain, lung and testicular cancer, i'm confident you can beat this terrible illness and be back with us very soon.

dave, let the p**s take commence...

Mark Sanderson said...

I hereby start the S.D.F. that's the "Save Dave Foundation" to all not in the know.

The S.D.F pledge to keep all to no more than 3 bottles of watered down Corona per night or equivalent (2 cans of Daddy beer at Tesco at around 2% volume).

Alcoholism is a terrible disease - especially when you're not very good at it.

fielder said...

thats true mark, alcoholism is a serious matter. we have to try and save dave before its too late. i'm going to organise some bands that we can wear, simalar to the popular 'livestrong' ones last year. we can have them green, like the old school goalie tops of the 1980s, as dave is our goal keeper. (when it's not raining of course, or when he has become too inebriated to function properly)

maybe bakes' could also raise money for the S.D.F when he runs the marathon?

iceman said...

Sandy, i couldn't have put it better myself! Dave is probably in a dark room ready to hang himself, if he hasnt already done so. Dave i have to say, i am a little surprised at your late night antics!

On the football front, pleased with result, a solid team performance, was proud to skipper the team to victory, bring on Jubilee! Look forward to welcoming Sonny, Bakes and lightweight back.

Mark Sanderson said...

Yes, poor Davey-boy. He don't mind them crosses, but don't be giving him any shots - after two or three it's game over.

He really should get off that line more often and keep away from that bar.

He prefers to shoot up hill, so when distributing the ball he can throw up.

**NB You can sponsor Greg for his forthcoming marathon on**

Gatso-Terrorist said...

It must be the name Dave that makes people light weights!
i know a few Dave's and they are sozzled after half a Kaliber!!

Mark Sanderson said...

25 year old Burridge goalkeeper David Hopkins remains in a stable but critical condition say hospital reports.

On the evening of Saturday 8th April, the muscle bound sticksman consumed several pints of a frothy liquid known as alcohol.

Friends say they were concerned at around 1:50am when he wasn't participating in his usual behaviour. Looking for last minute skirt.

Police are looking for anyone who witnessed the atrocity. Head of the constabulary Sir Ian Blair said of the incident; "It really is one of the most awful acts of cowardice to occur in living memory - to think, he didn't even have the courage to contact his manager."

At present Hopkins remain in hospital lacking backbone.

Kristian said...

Dave, you already owed me 50 minutes of my life, it has now gone up to 140 minutes.

iceman said...

Sandy stop, you really are starting to make me laugh now!

Sir John Major said...


You owe Kristian 140 minutes of his life and he wants them back...Ahhh, he would have wasted them anyway!

Dave. We are presently living in a binge drinking culture. You are a victum of society. The blame firmly lies with Tony Blair and his Labour govenrment. When I was the PM (that was the early 90's Bryn) unemployment was so high people didn't have the money to go out on the piss. I like to call them the good old days!

Emerson Marks said...

Whereas now John - you dirty old bugger - people are still unemployed, and still going out on the lash. The lash is their priority, work is not. Things are seldom saved for and earned, they are instead consumed and used instantly on impulse. This trend is taking this country down the toilet. And it's all Dave's fault!

Sir John Major said...

Now, now Emerson. You whole country does not revolve around one man. Althought I agree that the money Dave would have saved by not going out could have been put towards the country's dwindling pensions fund.

By the way, I maybe a dirty bugger but at least it wasn't Ann Widdecomb.

rossy said...

anyone up for a night on the sauce over the easter weekend??

not death sauce !

iceman said...

Richie likes a bit of death sauce, so much so that he rubs it on his knob!

Scotty B said...


Richie can do whatever he wants with the Death Sauce as long as it stays behind closed doors!

Mark Sanderson said...

Understandable though, with Adelle having to, well you know....that's a fate worse than death isn't it?

Dykey said...

Claires bday not this saturady (as this si the lovely Denise's) but the saturday after in town everyone invited - may even be girls there

Dirty Den said...

Is Dave allowed this Saturday?

iceman said...

Did Dykey just call Denee Denise or am i dreaming?

iceman said...

And duschbag, i want you there saturday, come on, you have to face the music..... and dance!

fielder said...

thats a point, if we do have a game on sunday, we're going to have to nominate someone to keep an eye on our young shot stopper.

mark, i think you should make up a theme tune for 'dave watch', similar to the a-team tune you devised earlier..

Dykey said...

What about

Some people stand in the darkness waiting to pounce on the next girl

But some people need not to drink anymore then they will be fit to play games

Dont you worry Dave gonna be alright

Cos he's stop his drinking and wont let us down again

to the theme of baywatch = davewatch

Dave's shrinking credibility said...

Thank you one and all for your kind words of support through what has been a difficult time for me. Lance Armstrong has never suffered like i suffered or how i am probably going to suffer come Sunday!

Sadly i wont be able to make it on Saturday night so my crucifiction will have to be postponed till a later date. Kev, very sorry, im actually in Hedge End that night if you and Denee are about before you hit the town?

Anonymous said...

come on its easter weekend, we used to be on the sauce from friday through to monday and still manage a coiuple of games in between.just saturday it is then.
anyones welcome to call into ours for drinks b4 hand.


MEET: 13:15PM

fielder said...

dykey, i love it! hey dave welcome at long last!

what you doing in hedge end?
we already have enough drunken socialites congregating outside the local co-op on a weekend, we certainly don't need another.

thanks for the invite bryn, im up for an all dayer. who's with me?!

put your hand down dave....

iceman said...

Crikey, I havn't seen this level of excitement about going out since Sandy changed into Burnie's Speedos in Magaluf in 1998! Now that was excitement as the others who witnessed will testify!

Gatso-Terrorist said...

Sandy In Speedo's!

My enemy the disposable camera has seen Sandy dressed in a short skirt n stockings!

dont know whats more appealing....

answers on a postcard,,,,

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