Shadowlands

The case is closed, the police no longer have the area cordoned off, and thankfully there was no need for the magistrate's court. Any rumour of large sums of money resting in Burridge player's offshore accounts after Saturday's painful defeat were soon quashed. Although if anyone out there's offering I'm all ears. After a difficult week for all involved it is now safe for Burridge players to leave the house without fear of recriminations from Joe Public, accusing players of having no bottle. This is mainly due to the fact that apart from Paul Dyke, who is a bonafide celebrity after appearing on not only South Today, but also the Beeb’s Newsnight after the much publicised Ginger-gate fiasco, none of the Burridge players are famous. Let's be grateful for that, pushing our trolleys down the aisles of Asda (other supermarkets available), that we don't come face to face with disgruntled supporters keen to vent their spleen. That's because our supporters are mainly girls, who don't pretend to know everything about football and thank God for that too.

How Burridge let a two-goal lead slip in the final ten minutes last Saturday afternoon is immaterial. It’s all in the past, much like a holiday abroad with the lads. And to think it was ten years ago I jetted off to Magaluf, almost naïve enough to believe I might get some of the action everyone who’d been there before said I would. Closest I ever got was while standing in a darkened corridor outside the toilet of some ropy bar, waving my fist at a condom machine. The blighter was more than happy to swallow my pesetas, but not so forthcoming in coughing up any merchandise. Burridge skipper Kristian Hewitt always says something along the lines of a pack of three being as much use to me as another bucket of Tequila Sunrise to (Burridge expat) Scott Burnet after dark on any given day of that fortnight. Won’t be long now before Scott is married. We can at least look forward to the Stag-do, and more importantly Saturday’s game, which is a chance to bounce straight back to winning ways.