Monday, 3 November 2008

Jay Schwodler Continues To Stare Deep Into The Abyss

(Pictured above:) Jay Schwodler cowering in fear once more as he prepares to face his demons.

Saturday 1st November
Burridge AFC 0-1 Hythe Aztecs

It lies somewhere in the hearts of all men. For some it might be failure, for others - commitment and with David Beckham it’s birds. But all men fear something. What that may be is irrelevant. What is more pertinent is how you face up to it, if you face up to it at all. Many men spend their entire lives running away from their fears. Not so Burridge right-back, Jay Schwodler.

He has had a deep seated fear for as long as he can remember. One that even now at the age of thirty-one he finds truly terrifying. Does he run away? No, he does not. He faces it head on, the same way he’s been doing so bravely every Saturday afternoon since he can remember.

Come rain or shine, he packs his kit bag and drives to the game, knowing, just knowing, that at some point he will be forced to come face to face with the very monster he fears in this life most. Because for Jay Schwodler, fear comes in the size of thirty-two panel spherical polyhedrons. Or put simply to me and you - size five leather footballs.

Like many fears, Schwodler’s is completely irrational, but this does make it any less of a problem. Many of his team-mates are quite happy to receive the ball at their feet with little fuss. Jay Schwodler on the other hand can get into such a state when faced with the football, he has on occasions been possessed by evil spirits. They take control of his body, often speaking in tongues, cursing wildly when in contact with the ball. These episodes are ended when Schwodler loses possession of the ball, so thusly they’re remarkably short in duration.

Although blessed with a bravery that is unquestionable, many of Jay Schwodler’s colleagues find it just too painful to watch his struggle with the football week in, week out. They’ve begged him to call it a day and hang up his boots, putting an end to his suffering. Still he chooses to ignore their advise, leaving many to worry just how much longer Schwodler can keep facing up to footballs.

Read more about Burridge by visiting the Times Online, by clicking on their logo to the top right of this post.


Fields said...

Funny stuff Mr Sanderson.

Unlucky guys, been hearing you all played quite well. Never mind about the league title, there's always next season..

Fields said...

Also, could someone please post the starting 11 and subs on here, so I can update the Southampton FA website. Cheers

The Gaffer said...

Sandy we played Hythe & Dibden not Aztecs!!Great performance not often pleased when we lose but we definitely deserved something out of the game.Durley away on Saturday 2pm ko see you training tomorrow night.Need your deposits £5 for the xmas bash and also donations for the draw.the gaffer

The Gaffer said...

ben stan ,jay,mark S,kris H,mark J,greg,rich A,bryn S,ben R,sam H,sam S. Subs :luke S,Mark R,Ryan J. Justin,Paul A,Lee F,Ben H,Kev W all injured

Verbal Kint said...

is lee fielder injured his full name? like southampton nil is full name of the football team....

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