Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Overdoing it

Half man half biscuit

I left my desk at 5pm sharp today along with any shred of common sense. Dressed appropriately in short trousers I set off to run the 4 and a half miles home, joined only by my back pack, that up until now had enjoyed a friendly relationship with my back, but the two quickly fell out once a walk turned into a run. The tightly fastened straps couldn't prevent the pack from gently bouncing up and down on my shoulders with the consistent rhythmic motion of a couple enjoying a quickie.

After 20 minutes, gallons of hot sweat had breached the nylon fabric of my back pack. Its heavy contents, that included a laptop, a change of clothes, and 2 hardback reference books, were the main reason I was blowing out of my hole. That and a succession of steep hills. And while there are very few things that offer distraction from eyeing up the large number of young sorts passing through the leafy streets of Southampton University's campus, the inability to breathe is one of them.

To the sun kissed innocent bystander, of which there were many, an older man was on all fours, dripping sweat onto the pavement, and summoning all his dwindling resources to suck oxygen into his lungs. Take my advice and next time you go out for a run leave your belongings behind.

High time to click here for a bit of Half Man Half Biscuit with "All I Want For Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit."


Adios.

16 comments:

Scarlet-Blue said...

So where are the gratuitous nekkid shower pics?
Sx

Gorilla Bananas said...

You're obviously not cut out for army-style training, so you'd better get a mule to ride home on. If you put on a sombrero you might get mistaken for a Mexican bandit, which some girls find exciting.

Madame DeFarge said...

You paint a lovely picture of the benefits of exercise. And, yes, we'd like those pictures too.

Lulu LaBonne said...

Madame Def means the nekkid shower pics not the ones of a broken old man melting into a Southampton pavement.

Maybe you should take up salsa to keep fit, you'll find the clothing more flattering for a start

Emerson Marks said...

Morning all, Burridge are a liberal bunch, make no bones about it, but there's a limit, that would probably be breached if I start taking snaps when the other chaps are going about their business in the shower.

Rich Chinese Monkey said...

Glad u r in training ready for the new season already . Me i prefer to use my exercise bike while watching mtv2 plus theres no hills in my lounge!!!!
And the nekkid shower pics we could make into a calender we should be able to flog 1 or 2 at a push 3 copies .

Fields said...

i'm gonna try another run tonight, without a backpack for company tho. been knocking back the fluids all day in preperation for it, so i must make myself go. plus Kristian will wonder where i am if i don't turn up at his house at 7pm..

i'd defo be up for a nekkid burridge calender! i want to be december tho. or august..

Emerson Marks said...

I would like to seek political asylum to Sweden. I received a very satisfactory blow job there.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Emerson, can you imagine the indignant remarks if you had asked for their pictures?

Women... more faces than a town clock.

rokok said...

nice story..
warm regards from:-
--> ROKOKFOREX - EVERYTHING FREE 4 FOREX <--

Scarlet-Blue said...

Erm... Can i put my order in for the calender now.
Apologies Jimmy!
Sx

Leah said...

Ah yes, I'll take a calendar too. Double standard be damned! I can't believe I didn't comment on this, it had me giggling like a total idiot the first time I read it.

Hope you're good over there!

Scarlet-Blue said...

I saw Fields on Betty's Corrie blog!!
He's very welcome to visit me, btw. I currently have a post about buses.
Sx

Fields said...

Oh.. I thought I was on your blog Scarlet! :)

Mrs Pouncer said...

Hello, Scarlet. I see that everyone from Burridge has blackballed me. What a vile thing to happen to an Englishwoman in her prime. I may well take my business elsewhere.

savannah said...

a calendar? well, i'll help support your team with my donation, sugar! i mean, it is for a good cause...*sigh*
xoxoxo

Looking back (bringing back the blog)

I haven't posted here since 2012 – that’s five years of not blogging. The blog is/was about Burridge AFC, the football team I played f...