Burridge AFC 4-1 Michelmersh

Date: Saturday 28th August 
Comp: Senior Division, Southampton Saturday League
Venue: Mount Pleasant Recreation Ground, Hamble

(Pics by Roz Hutton) Above: Sam Schwodler celebrates his hat-trick.

It was only after rummaging through the contents of my sports holdall that I realised I'd made a vital omission. In all the excitement of our first league game of the season I'd forgotten to pack my cycling shorts. This wouldn't have been such an issue had I arrived at the changing rooms at Mount Pleasant recreation ground wearing underwear. But I had not. From time to time I enjoy going without.

I took a moment to weigh up the options available to me: I could either leave my modestly sized genitals flapping loose under a pair of black Burridge shorts, or attempt to fashion some sort of makeshift jock-strap with the roll of brown electrical tape in the medical bag. Being on the hairier side, I decided to plump for the former. I shared this information with Kristian Hewitt. He looked back at me with an expression I have come to recognise in the eighteen years I have known him.

'You can't play without any cacks,' he told me.

“I could wear two pairs of shorts?”

He shook his head. “It won't work.”   

Kristian Hewitt, poised for action.

In hindsight, I could have driven two miles up the road to Tescos. What with kick-off not for another hour I would have had plenty of time to peruse their collection of briefs and trunk-shorts. Without fully realising it at the time, I think I'd rather hoped that some kind team-mate would donate me a spare pair. Perhaps sensing this, everybody remained looking down toward the changing room floor, all busy lacing their boots in firm double knots, fitting their shin-guards in place, and smearing thick globules of deep heat into the smalls of their back.

Armed and dangerous: Mark Reeves goes after the ball.

It was Sammy Hewitt who drew my attention to a rather fortunate quirk of fate. Deep in the recesses of the club kit bag is, and has been for some months now, an unclaimed pair of black trunk style boxer shorts. I got down on my hands and knees and burrowed through laddered socks and old sods of dried grass and there they were, a black pair from Next. I held them to my nose and breathed in deeply. They smelt great. I really ought to ask what washing detergent the laundrette on Bedford Place use. They were a little thread bare and bobbled in appearance, but I was no position to complain. One man's castaways were my salvation. I slipped them on. They fit like a glove.

Over the years, I've been faced with similar changing room dilemma's. One that stands out in my mind is on a Wednesday evening at Green Park in Millbrook. I'd been in a great hurry to park my car and get to the toilets. In my haste to empty my bowels, I hadn't checked to see if there was an adequate supply of toilet roll. Without a single sheet I was forced to leave that grubby toilet cubicle with only one sock. Many years ago, former Burridge captain, Scott Burnet was cornered into a similar improvisation. The thin wad of receipts he pulled from his trouser pocket were never destined to be used for a tax return.

Jason Wilson's presence allowed his midfield partner Kristian Hewitt to do less running.

The game itself was far more straightforward. Those endless laps spent running around the cricket pitch at Burridge during pre-season training had set us in good stead for closing Michelmersh down. Jason Wilson typified this approach in the centre of midfield, a player who Paul Dyke has brought with him from his Sunday side Blues. Later on at the West End Brewery, Dyke claimed that Wilson, a postman by day, puts his anaerobic fitness down to running his morning postal round with a sack of letters on his back. By half-time we'd built up a three-nil lead. Sam Schwodler with two goals and Kristian Hewitt, freed up by Wilson's water carrying, took advantage of the numerous times he was able to pop up on edge of penalty area to score a goal of his own.

Sam Schwodler completed his hat-trick in the second-half and although Michelmersh were to be commended for giving it a go and pulling a goal back, they didn't have enough in the tank to make a real fist of it. All in all, it was a good start to another Southampton League campaign. 

Paul Dyke sent Burridge out in a 4-4-2 formation:

GK: Ryan Jones
RB:  Dan Allen
CB: Kev Willsher (c )
CB: Ryan Hurst
LB: Mark Sanderson
RM: Sam Hewitt
CM: Kristian Hewitt
CM: Jason Wilson
LM: Mark Reeves (Dan Drinkwater)
CF: Joe Hill (Lee Fielder)
CF: Sam Schwodler (Ben Hutton) 

Moment of the match: Sam Schwodler's hat-trick. For Saturday's other results click here

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