If at all possible in life you should try to avoid exposing your penis at work. It's certainly a guideline that I had intended on following. Making a nice cup of early morning tea was much higher up on my agenda, but the itch downstairs wouldn't go away without giving it a good old scratch. It was at that precise moment I felt something unusual. Something was missing and that something was trousers.
The suit label said that both the blazer and the trousers were machine washable, just not at a 90 degree wash. Which is a bit like rinsing your granny's dentures with a fireman's hose, when they're still in her mouth. Something had to give, and in this case it was the crotch of my trouser, which had pretty much perished. I went to the shops that night and bought some smart new work clothes, including a suit.
This was partly to convince both myself and my boss that I had what it took to do the sales job I wasn't selling anything in, but mainly to my keep my trouser-mouse safe from harm. The suit I bought that night has worn particularly well in comparison to the old one. The 36 inch chest blazer fits beautifully, and the 31 inch inside leg trousers are nothing if not extremely comfortable.
This is no real indicator that you're better of buying a suit from Moss Bros than Marks and Spark's. Nor is it anything to do with the weaved fabric of the 44% woollen trousers. The real reason that my current suit has worn so well is that I only got to wear it about 16 times before I suddenly and unexpectedly 'resigned' from my position. When I say resigned I mean sacked. My current employers don't require me to wear a shirt and tie, but this Sunday is Rich 'Chinese-Monkey' Allan's wedding, and I'm invited. So I'll get the chance to wear that suit once more.
Above in the blue and black stripes, yours truly and Rich Allan. Picture courtesy of Tuesday October 7th 2003's edition of the Southern Daily Echo.Wedding etiquette question
1.Jay Schwodler is Rich Allan's best man and by the time he gets to his speech plenty of drink will've been taken by everybody. Jay is a quiet man, and I fear he may receive a far amount of heckling from the crowd.
Should I:
A) Join in the heckling – the stupid bastard deserves it.
B)Try and stop the hecklers – it may have an affect on impressionable girls who might be fooled into thinking that I have some sort of leadership quality.
or C)Let them get on with it.
