Saturday 27th January 2007
Burridge earned victory at AFC Hop in only their fourth game in twelve weeks, during a season that has so far been interrupted by heavy rain. Any pre-match nerves were evaporated by Burridge left sided midfielder – Greg Baker; who among the locker room’s stink of liniment, successfully deployed a P.E.D, a Performance Enhancing Distraction to give it its full name. It was Connecticut’s Roger Sperry, winner of 1981’s Nobel Peace Prize for his experimentation on the two sides of the brain, who led us to such terminology. The P.E.D occupies the attention of the left hemisphere of the brain, whereupon analytical functions are located, often responsible for deposits of anxiety, self doubt and all the other negative aspects that can choke a sportsperson’s performance. Just ask Tim Henman.
During 2001’s Wimbledon semi-final, his wild card Croat opponent Goran Invanisevic appeared to be staring defeat in the face, before anxiety overwhelmed Henman. Leaving his forehand as powerful as the timid flicks of a butterfly catcher’s net in pursuit of an aglais urticae. If only Greg Rusedski was on hand to offer Tim his anecdote on Pete Sampras and his inherent fear of dessert spoons. Greg Baker was far more proactive. In a moment of selflessness, he disclosed his much closeted pre-date bathroom grooming ritual, guaranteed to provide longevity to a new relationship. Such was the weight of this revelation, Burridge players and the left hemisphere’s of their brains, were simply unable to manifest doubt. So despite being held back in their own half for much of the first period of the game, Burridge found strength, quite possibly by boring their opponents into submission. Second half substitute Lee Fielder raced onto a through ball and neatly lobbed the ball over the out coming goalkeeper’s clutches for the only goal of the game.
3-4-3: Ben, P.Dyke, J.Schwodler, M.Sanderson, J.Newman (L.Sanderson), G.Baker, J.Hewitt, K.Hewitt (M.Reeves), B.Rowe (L.Fielder), B.Hutton, B.Schwodler Unused sub: M.Birks