Saturday 18th October 2008
BTC, Stoneham Lane
Comrades 3-2 Burridge AFC
Out the cup, again!
Pictured above: The 1979 Bryn Schwodler liability series, after yet another malfunction.
He couldn’t really remember Saturday night. There was some red wine drunk at home on top of a few bottles of lager before arriving at the Wine Bar in Southampton, but after that things pretty much faded out to black. This alcohol malfunction has been all too regularly reported over the last fifteen years when the 1979 Bryn Schwodler liability series drinks alcohol.
Burridge AFC captain Kristian Hewitt is one of the world’s leading experts on the behavioural patterns of the 1979 Bryn Schwodler liability series. He was adamant that the only way to stop the affectionate grabbing of male colleague’s genitals, in-between staggering blindly into strangers, was to stop him drinking jagerbombs at 9pm.
This was of course before even reaching Southampton’s premier night spot - Oceania. Memories of which that have been totally lost by the alcohol malfunction, that some believed to have been corrected since the appointment of Helen Oldham as the 1979 Bryn Schwodler liability series’ girlfriend. She was behind the blueprint of the 2007 design for the 1979 Bryn Schwodler liability series, that focussed on both a refined and polished sense of behaviour that shunned excess, combined with a more contemporary appearance.
Lobbyists are demanding tighter legislation be put in place to stop repeat incidents of Saturday night, where two-hundred and thirty seven people were inflicted by a clumsiness previously unbeknown to mankind. They argue that the malfunction can be triggered by as little as five units of alcohol and despite Oldham’s best efforts the 1979 Bryn Schwodler liability series is totally irreparable and no amount of autumn range Gap clothing is ever going to mask that. Not even a leather jacket offset with black baseball boots and dark blue boot-cut jeans.
Controlled tests had suggested that the 1979 series should be able to maintain the dignity expected of a twenty-nine year old father of one whilst out for a Saturday night drink. The ejection from the premises from Oceania, just after midnight, have all but ruined the validity of those tests, resulting in a minimum period of six months quarantine from night life, whilst his behaviour is further re-examined. A re-release into night life is not anticipated until late 2009.
Stanfield, J.Schwodler, M.Sanderson, L.Sanderson, K.Hewitt, Newman (Reeves) (Baker), Allan, Judd (S.Hewitt) , B.Schwodler, S.Schwodler, Fielder
Unused sub: Hutton.
Scorers: B.Schwodler 1-2
Booked: B.Schwodler, S.Schwodler, L.Sanderson - foul play.