Monday, 15 February 2010

Durley 1-4 Burridge

Saturday 13th February
Kytes Lane, Durley

This match was being watched by a man with a clipboard whose job was to assess the referee's performance, jotting down any notes when he deemed that the referee had misjudged a situation. As a result, his right hand had a somewhat busier afternoon than Burridge goalkeeper Ryan Jones.

The referee - think Ray Stubbs with a charisma bypass - seemed to have learnt everything he knew about people management by studying the content of a letter from the Inland Revenue. His decision to book Bryn Schwodler, who had been given a right seeing to from Durley's number five, was less plausible than the plot of Teen Wolf Too*.

Kristian Hewitt struggled to come to terms with it. It, being the referee's reasoning behind showing Bryn a yellow card, not the 1987 film that doesn't star Michael J Fox. With the referee unable to give Hewitt a satisfactory explanation he decided to show him a yellow card instead.

From this moment on Burridge and this referee were never going to get on. Nor were Burridge and Durley for that matter. Both teams displayed a free flowing style that was built mainly on swearing. Lesser teams would be content with trotting out vulgarities like shit as nouns, but in this contest they were used as verbs and sometimes even adjectives.

Kev Willsher and Marc Judd were the third and forth players to be shown yellow cards. This all before Rich Allan was sent off. Trying to recreate an earlier unseen incident, whereupon Durley had been successfully blurring the boundaries between the football and Paul Dyke's head, he was given a straight red card, for what one can only assume was for invading the referee's personal space. Unfortunately, air head-buts still don't translate very well in polite society.

By this stage Burridge were already winning the game 4-1. Two first half goals from Ben Rowe and one from Bryn Schwodler were added to by a goal early in the second half by Durley's number five.

It came from a back pass. It was difficult to gage what irritated the Durley number five more, scoring past his own goalkeeper from the kind of angle that'd have Pythagoras telling you to stick your hypotenuse up your arse, or Burridge centre back Paul Dyke's making sure everyone within a mile radius knew how much he enjoyed it. Either way he was very pissed off.

Durley did score a consolation goal, but their revival was not sufficient to stop Burridge getting their first win at Kytes Lane.

Burridge lined up in a 4-4-2 formation

GK:Ryan Jones
LB:Paul Dyke
CB:Kev Willsher
CB:Kristian Hewitt
RB:Sam Hewitt (Jay Schwodler)
LM:Marc Judd
CM:Mark Sanderson
CM:Justin Newman (Mark Reeves)
RM:Bryn Schwodler
CF:Rich Allan
CF:Ben Rowe (Paul Andrews)

*That was not a typo. Teen Wolf Too, is actually 'too' as opposed to two and it's really not worth your time.

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13 comments:

Lukey said...

Teen Wolf Too. "The sequel the world was crying for."

Jimmy Bastard said...

4-4-2 obviously suits. Well done the fellas.

Fields said...

I've been thinking about that title.. you know, Teen Wolf 'Too'... I don't get it..

Lukey said...

He's J Fox's cousin and he's a teen wolf too (as well) and it's a sequel. Genius, genius.

Mark Emerson Sanderson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mark Emerson Sanderson said...

Coming from a PR perspective, I feel they've overcooked this goose. Having a sequel that doesn't star the original cast is bad enough, but having word play in the title? It's just too much.

Mark Emerson Sanderson said...

You're right Jimmy. 4-4-2 is where it's at. I see things are getting no better for Mowbray at Celtic.

Eryl Shields said...

I was hoping to hear more about the man with the clip-board, did his right hand have to have a lie down as soon as the game was over?

Ponita in Real Life said...

Having absolutely no idea how this game is played, I'll just say that I'm happy you won.

And Michael J Fox is doing commercials for British Columbia these days, what with the Olympics on and him being Canadian and all.

Mark Emerson Sanderson said...

Teen Wolf Too missed his charisma, Ponita.

Mark Emerson Sanderson said...

*Eryl* - that's the problem with playing. You only really get to take in the details through a very narrow kaleidoscope.

Madame DeFarge said...

Hurrah! The boys done good. Or something to that effect.

savannah said...

gotta love sports, sugar! i need to spend more time on this one since american football is done (geaux saints!) and i haven't liked basketball since high school! xoxoxo

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