Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Burridge 6-0 Southampton BTC

Date: Saturday 20th February
Venue: Meadowside Leisure Centre, Whiteley

The referee had a face that asked serious questions on just how far the directors for the Werther's Original commercials are casting their nets. If Saturday afternoon at Meadowside is anything to go by it appears that the playing fields of Southampton remain very much uncharted waters. Undermined only by a stiff legged gait, the referee gave anyone watching the strong impression he was dealing with a loose kernel in his underpants. While his name remains a mystery, on the evidence presented here it's fair to assume it's something like Tommy Peephamton. Or Old Tom to his friends.

BTC made the most out of their day out to Whiteley. On the way they visited Burridge recreation ground, Allotment Road in Sarisbury Green and most of the A3051. Seeing as the rest of their afternoon was spent in their own half of the pitch they didn't get the chance to see Burridge's penalty area. There were ten minutes before kick off when BTC's five car strong convoy arrived at Meadowside car park. Their secretary hadn't called them to let them know that the game had been switched to Whiteley.

It was to BTC's eternal credit that they didn't let the referee's age become an obstacle. Throughout the game they treated him just like they would any other referee. So it was to Old Tom's great advantage that he had the hearing capacity of a tube of Smarties. Within fifteen minutes of kick off BTC decided that Burridge linesman Greg Baker was a cheat. They broke the news to him from a distance more appropriate for those engaging in non-consensual frottage. Greg managed to restrain himself, despite having a handful of linesman's flag, one with the old fashioned wooden handles, but Greg went to university and likes panini instead of sandwiches, so clocking blokes around the head with pieces of wood isn't really is his thing unless he can spend several years studying it that's followed with a written examination.

During the interlude BTC's number 14 had a word in Burridge centre forward Ben Rowe's ear. Rowe had been trying to defuse the situation with a few jokes which number 14 took exception to. 'Just you wait,' he told Rowe. For what he never found out. Perhaps when BTC get to grips with the telephone they might be good enough to let him know.


1-0 Lee Fielder
2-0 Mark Sanderson
3-0 Bryn Schwodler
4-0 Sam Schwodler
5-0 Greg Baker (pen)
6-0 Marc Judd

Burridge lined up in a 4-4-2 formation

GK:Paul Andrews
RB:Jay Schwodler (Greg Baker)
CB:Kristian Hewitt
CB:Kev Willsher
LB:Paul Dyke
RM:Sam Schwodler
CM:Mark Sanderson
CM:Mark Reeves
LM:Bryn Schwodler
CF:Ben Rowe (Rich Allan)
CF:Lee Fielder (Marc Judd)



Lulu LaBonne said...

Are you on a commission from Werthers? - send me three packets please.

Mark Emerson Sanderson said...

Packet of 3 coming up for LLB.

savannah said...

smarties! i remember those! xoxo

The Gaffer said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jonny good said...

Don't be alarmed, the Gaffer hasn't been gagged, he's just testing his PC.

NB Greg Baker close to missing penalty on Saturday.

Ponita in Real Life said...

How ever do you play with an old codger toddling about on the field with a loose kernel in his knickers??

I'd be lying on the ground laughing!

Here, we have Smarties in boxes.... except at Christmas, then everything comes out in different packaging, and then we get tubes.

Fields said...

Possibly the most un-satisfying 6-0 victory I have ever taken part in. At least the pitch was really good..

Gorilla Bananas said...

I hope none of the goals was celebrated with vulgar hand gestures or the dropping of shorts.

gaffer said...

we would have settled for a 6-0 win before the game but yes it wasn't pretty but another three points in the bag. Some o f the results went our way Saturday.Thanks Paul for stepping into the goalies breach and a clean sheet.Sholing at home on Sat I will try and get it played at their pitch if ours is off.See you tonight lads.the gaffer

Mark Sanderson said...

Smarties in boxes? Unacceptable.

Gorilla - all goals were marked by nothing more than a firm handshake.

Madame DeFarge said...

On wonders if frottage can ever be truly consensual. I'll check next time I'm on the tube.

Ponita in Real Life said...

Before they started gluing the ends of the boxes closed, you could put the open end of the box in your mouth and make it squeal and whistle! Sealed ends have made Smarties music impossible now... I'm sad.

Looking back (bringing back the blog)

I haven't posted here since 2012 – that’s five years of not blogging. The blog is/was about Burridge AFC, the football team I played f...