On Saturday 6th March Burridge played hosts to Southampton Senior League leaders London Airways at Meadowside Leisure Centre, Whiteley.
Pictured above: Greg Baker's newly acquired football boots.
Before we got started
Greg Baker left the changing room hungry. He returned with brand new football boots and an empty wallet. Sandwiches satisfied his hunger. The best part of seventy quid paid for size ten Adidas from the adjacent shopping village.
They replaced his Puma Kings, that after close inspection were split beneath several layers of caked mud. The new Adidas had fold over tongues. They wagged like police informants. Greg gagged them with tightly bound electrical tape.
“First thing's first, gents,” said the referee, pointing toward the nearby Whiteley housing estate. “Is that I don't want to hear any swearing.” Rarely has idealism been so misplaced. The referee would have had better luck trying to wean Amy Winehouse off heroin with a diet of Sugar Puffs.
The sound of angry men swearing over a game of football might have come as welcome relief to residents who have to rely on the Parsons Collar for a drink, a pub that has all the life of a Staples stationary outlet, but the referee was having none of it.
If players got worked up he didn't want the air coloured with language any stronger than sugar lumps. This was bad news for Sam Schwodler if he had any serious plans to speak over the course of the afternoon.
Bryn Schwodler wasn't blown away with London Airways' previous form. He didn't think they'd had any outstanding results. They'd lost one game all season. Those in earshot could only sympathise with his son Jude, who may get a shock when he's old enough to bring home a school report.
The game was without goals after 60 minutes. After 90 there had been six. Unfortunately, none of them were scored by Burridge. It was all too much for Burridge centre back Paul Dyke. He stuck to the referee's request of using the words sugar lumps, directly after he demonstrated how loudly he could shout fuck.
Burridge played in a 4-4-2 formation:
GK: Ryan Jones
RB: Sam Hewitt
CB: Kristian Hewitt (c )
CB: Paul Dyke
LB: Marc Judd
RM: Greg Baker
CM: Mark Sanderson (Mark Reeves)
CM: Rich Allan
LM: Bryn Schwodler
CF: Sam Schwodler
CF: Ben Rowe
Paul Dyke for dissent
Marc Judd for dissent