Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Hiltingbury 2-2 Burridge

Sam Schwodler swears to let his goals do the talking

Sam Schwodler swears at referees at a volume others would hesitate to reach even if their scrotum was caught in the zip of their flies. The referee, a large man, whose black jersey never stretched as far down as the waist band of his shorts, would've been entitled to send Sam off in the first half, when he was hit from ten paces with a combination of four letter words. When the referee reached into his top pocket there seemed more chance of him pulling out a scotch egg than a yellow card, but he showed leniency by only cautioning Schwodler.

Click on pic to enlarge: Sam Schwodler (second from right in blue) goes sniffing for a goal.

Several Hiltingbury players experimented with saying the 'c' word during the course of the game. Once again, their middle class roots were betrayed by their superior elocution. Those who heard their nippy left winger with the blond highlights say it were struck by powerful realisation that he was glad to have stuck with the economics A level revision, because the resulting B grade earnt him a place at Keele University. Meanwhile, the same word from Sam Schwodler's lips catapults the listener into a deleted scene from Football Factory. When it came to swearing there was only ever going to be one winner, which made it all the more puzzling that Hiltingbury didn't stick to the quick passing game that put them two goals in front.

Jay Schwodler spent the afternoon making Burridge goalie Ryan Jones nervous. He miss hit close range shots at his own goal on three separate occasions. It was like watching Michael Owen with concussion. Kristian Hewitt showed Jay how it's done by scoring Hiltingbury's second goal. Hiltingbury pushed forward for a third. Burridge midfielder Justin Newman had been retreating into defensive positions like a lost tourist, showing much better knowledge of the attacking third of the pitch when he threaded the ball through the Hiltingbury defence to Sam Schwodler on the inside right channel, who opened up his body like a line dancer to create a shooting angle into the bottom corner, which he found with a low shot.

Loaded on the adrenalin that a goal brings, Burridge began stoning Hiltingbury's penalty area with the ball. Hiltingbury stood firm for three successive corner kicks. The forth, from Justin Newman's right foot, was volleyed towards goal by Sam Schwodler. A Hiltingbury defender scrambling to his left to stop the ball from crossing the goal line lost his footing in the mud. The ball was instead stopped by the net. Schwodler broke free from a tangle of muddy arms and ran toward the nine Burridge supporters on the touchline swearing his head off.

Burridge played in a 3-4-3 formation:

GK:Ryan Jones
DF:Jay Schwodler
DF:Kev Willsher
DF:Paul Dyke (Marc Judd)
RM:Sam Hewitt
CM:Justin Newman
CM:Mark Sanderson
LM:Kristian Hewitt (Paul Andrews)
CF:Ben Rowe (Lee Fielder)
CF:Bryn Schwodler
CF:Sam Schwodler

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8 comments:

Mark Sanderson said...

Other results from 27th March:

Redbridge 11-0 Michelmersh
Durley 1-3 Aztecs
London Airways 1-0 BTC
Warsash 0-0 Hythe & Dibden
Wellow 0-7 Sholing.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Check your post for job applications from a certain T Mowbray of West Bromwich.

Eryl Shields said...

I want to know more about that lost tourist: where was he, were there gangs of dangerous looking youths or theatre goers?

Lulu LaBonne said...

I might be in love with The Schwodler

Gorilla Bananas said...

I would have made Schodler man of the match if he'd attempted a sliding tackle on the ref. It's not illegal if you're going for the ball.

pete@newair.co.uk said...

good result Sat lads much more passion and guts and a couple of you clattered No 7 which got my adrenilin going, but I think a draw was a fair result.weather forecast is not looking good for the weekend keep your phones tuned in.all the best gaffer

Mark Sanderson said...

Good to have you back Jimmy! Tony Mowbray's application will not be accepted at Burridge.

Eryl - RE: Justin Newman looking like a lost tourist. The defensive area of the pitch is a very unfamiliar place to him.

Mark Sanderson said...

Lulu: consult your doctor, immediately.

Gorilla: Saturday's ref looked like he had several balls hidden in his shirt.

NB Tonight's game with Durley is off due to a waterlogged pitch.

Looking back (bringing back the blog)

I haven't posted here since 2012 – that’s five years of not blogging. The blog is/was about Burridge AFC, the football team I played f...