Thursday, 2 April 2009

Burridge 0-1 Northend

Nothing like a bit of handbags at ten paces

Date:Wednesday 1st April
Venue:Burridge
Kick off:6pm

Casual violence is up there with watching TV as one of Britain's biggest pastimes. Until now it had been measured by a simple scientific formula, with the likelihood of a good old tear up being directly proportional to the number of pints of Stella consumed. That was until the recession started squeezing pubs out of business , effectively threatening violence's natural habitat with extinction. We were momentarily forced to imagine a future where our children would have to make do with meeting up late at night in McDonald's car parks for their ultra violence. It didn't bear thinking about.

(pictured: Lee Fielder - aggressive)

So thank goodness for football. The sport that offers men a wonderful opportunity of not only being able to fully express their violent rage without having to spend lots of money on lager, but also without the hassle of being killed dead in the process. Let's say you grab some bloke around the throat down The Woodman in Lordshill because he looked at you in a manner you deemed ambiguous. It's unlikely you'll be invited outside to remove your tunic for a spot of the old Queensbury rules, mainly because you'll already be lying face down in a pool of your own blood.

Pictured: Jay Schwodler, and Dad, Pete, who was in attendance for the game - (other son Sam went against both Bryn Schwodler and and his Dad Pete's advice and went to his heavily pregnant missus' anti-natal class)

That's what's great about football - you don't have to worry about getting stabbed. Instead, the great game allows men like Lee Fielder, who aren't much more than a tin of special brew over five feet tall, to forget about self preservation, common sense, and anything else that prevents you from getting a good kicking, to go eyeball to eyeball with Northend's manager and call him a fat bastard.

Pictured; Jonesy and Sammy Hewitt - strange hotel bedding ritual

To read some more serious guff about Burridge, Peter Crouch and Richie Allan go to The Times Online by clicking here

The Burridge side who lost 1-0 to Northend were:

GK:K.Hewitt
LB:Me
CB:Judd
CB:Willsher
RB:J.Schwodler
RM:Jones
CM:Allan(Andrews)
CM:Newman
LM:Reeves
CF:B.Schwodler
CF:S.Hewitt (Fielder)

Saturday - home to Michelmersh & Timsbury

35 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Football stopped being a manly game when referees were given the right to send players off simply for punching an opponent in the face, even when done under provocation or by accident. Calling someone a fat bastard isn't the same thing - anyone can curse like a witch.

Emerson Marks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emerson Marks said...

GB - Are you still sore from your red card? There's still time for you to make a come back in the game you know.

scarlet-blue said...

*Swoooooon*
I'm only 4ft 11"... Being a short arse is a good thing...
Apologies, I will pull myself together; this is unbecoming behaviour for an 86 yr old.
Sx

Jimmy Bastard said...

Hah! An excellent piece about the rites of passage that is fitba.

Violence is so much more acceptable when taken with light laughter.

Remind me sometime to tell you a tale or two about an oul friend of mine frome Glesga, who goes by the name of Frank McAvennie.

Emerson Marks said...

Frank bloody McAvennie! I remember seeing him play at the Dell for West Ham against Saints as a kid. I'm reminding you to tell me know, Jimmy. Spill the beans.

The Gaffer said...

After a boozy stag weekend we didn't put in too bad a show and rattled them a bit. Could have sneaked a draw at the death and there manager thought Lee was a bit fiesty!see you Sat

Madame DeFarge said...

I do like the bedding in the photo. It caught my eye immediately. Marvellous pastel shades. You footballers do have good taste.

Emerson Marks said...

Scarlet - no need to pull yourself together, let it all hang out.

See you tomorrow, Pete.

Madame DeFarge - we stay at the best hotels you see.

scarlet-blue said...

Blimey... that is a good pic though...
Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Christ, yeah. Scarls, we have been wasting our time with those well-meaning types. Meet me here.

Emerson Marks said...

Hello my little Pouncer. Burridge's doors are always open to the ladies, just ask Scarlet.

MJ said...

I'm 5 ft. 3 and 1/2.

How many tins of lager high is that?

Now that we've seen Fields' aggressive face, can we see his "O" face?

Fields said...

he was a fat bastard though!

MJ said...

Oooooo...Fields and I had simultaneous postings!

Fields said...

You'll have to visit youporn.com to see my 'O' face I'm afraid! I have loads of videos posted on there..

Yeah, simultaneous posts... We're practically dating now MJ!

MJ said...

Oh, hello Fields.

Mistress MJ doesn’t visit filthy porno sites.

So you’ll have to send me some personal pics via email.

And will you be mailing your “home” jersey to me anytime soon?

Don’t bother to wash it.

Fields said...

Sure thing. I'm right on it..

You know that Emerson Marks is going to get very annoyed with us soon don't you.. for using his blog as a dating website 'n all!

Emerson Marks said...

Holy sheesh. The phrase get a room springs to mind. Fielder, your libido's insatiable, innit. Mind you, if I was hung like you I'd do the same. See you and the Willsher in the boozer later.

scarlet-blue said...

Pah...! Fields... over here... Mrs P and I are a double act....
Sx

fields said...

you will always be my number 1 scarlet-blue, you know that! double act eh... you reckon you'll both be able to handle me then?? :)

Mrs Pouncer said...

Oh FFS fields. Eat you for breakfast. Like, literally.

Scarlet-Blue said...

*blush* *sigh*
Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

I don't know why, but I keep being drawn back to this post...
Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Hi Scarla xx

Emerson Marks said...

I s'pose I'll have to get my hands on some more pics of the Fielder.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Yes please Emerson....
Sx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Could you put this Fielder pic in the sidebar too??? Sorry... am I getting weird? It's okay Mrs P will come and slap me soon. I will be fine.
Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Oh hi Scarla, I was just passing and it seemed rude not to, whatever. Sometimes I like Fielder best, sometimes Rich Allan. Depends. Of course, I LOVE Emerson, but in a little brother stylee. A sort of Attention Deficit smaller brother, I always think.

See you here later? Cx

Scarlet-Blue said...

Hello Mrs P... well yes, very rude not to come to this post. So I always do. Without fail.
I think I'm a Fielder girl, I'm like a dog - loyal, but Emerson is lovely too.

Be back later? Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Yes, you are a bit like a dog, Scarla. But dogs have some marvellous qualities, and some peculiarly effective habits I always think. Dogs could teach us a thing or two, in a fashion. How do you feel about Jay Schwodler's father?

Emerson Marks said...

Oi, what are you girls up to.

Since you're asking, Pouncer, the Schwodler's Dad is always up for bad behaviour.

Scarlet-Blue said...

What... sorry... you mean Mr Pete? He seems very nice.
Woof!
Sx

Mrs Pouncer said...

Parfait. Here's my card; tell him to knock himself out.

Scarlet-Blue said...

I've put Fields behind my bar sign for easy access. I hope this is okay?
Sx

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