Thursday, 9 April 2009

Netley 1-0 Burridge

Weapons of mass destruction

Should President Obama's administration be looking for a new type of missile to blow the North Korean capital of Pyongyang to smithereens, they need look no further than Marc Judd's left foot. Once encased in Adidas that size seven foot is easily capable of propelling a leather football with the necessary force to take down Kim Jong Il from a distance of up to 40 yards. That's 37 metres. Netley's crossbar can testify to the power. It was practically knocked off it's hinges when Judd smashed it from about two miles away.

(Pictured) Luke's chili - I have no quibble with the moist chicken, but did the sauce have too much poke?

So the Netley goal survived. As did Ryan Jones' legs, which fortunately for him are still attached to the rest of his body. Which came as a relief to Burridge mainly because many of Netley's players seemed unable to differentiate between a game of football and grievous bodily harm. It took a while for me to register why the Netley players responsible for trying to slice Jonesy's legs off were protesting so, for what in countries like North Korea would probably constitute the death penalty. Then it occurred to me that once you've deducted the £8 fine that a yellow card carries there isn't much left to spend from the weekly giro.

Half time score: Netley 1-0 Burridge

There was still a good ten minutes left to play, but Kristian Hewitt had had enough. He removed his goalkeeping gloves and walked off the field of play, in what appeared to be a protest against thuggery. It lasted approximately 10 seconds. As yet, there has been no approach from Ban Ki-Moon and the United Nations about offering Hewitt a position as an peace envoy in Millbrook.

Burridge XI that played Netley on Wedneday 8th April were:

Goalkeeper: Kristian Hewitt
Right back: Jay Schwodler
Centre half: Kev Willsher
Centre half: Marc Judd
Left back: Me
Right wing: Greg Baker
Centre mid: Fan's favourite, Justin Newman
Centre mid: Rich Allan
Left wing: Bryn Schwodler (legless: Ryan Jones)
Striker: Sam Hewitt (sub: Paul Andrews)
Striker: Sam Schwodler





Burridge take the 17 seater mini-bus up to Liverpool tomorrow morning for Richie Allan's stag weekend.

Kick off is at 8:30am.

......my neighbour Greg Baker's just popped over the hall asking for a lift over to Richie's tomorrow morning. He's dressed in nothing but his work shirt and his underpants....

Plus, I'm also concerned that the hotel room Lee Fielder and I are staying in will, as in Nottingham, have a double bed instead of two singles.

15 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I hope you told him to put his trousers on before asking for favours. Even footballers have reputations to think of.

Scarlet-Blue said...

A double bed....
Don't forget to take your camera...
Sx

Emerson Marks said...

Rest assured I'll get plenty of pictures, Scarlet.

If there's one thing Fielder loves, it's the camera.

PS Gorilla: I don't think I did.

MJ said...

I'm hiring a film crew.

savannah said...

oh my, sugar! xoxo

Madame DeFarge said...

Hmm, I think you need to sort that chilli out. Looks far too wet for a manly meal.

This footballing lark seems to an endless parade of semi-naked men. Where have I been spending my time?

And as the chair of the Kev Willsher fan club, why can't you share a room with him instead?

Madame DeFarge said...

And I'm sorry that you wis robbed (which I believe is what you say in these circumstances)

wilts said...

Yes there's much homoerotic behaviour when it comes to Burridge AFC, helps with the team bonding. And Madam DeFarge, only two my team mates were luckily enough to share a room with me, the others will just have to wait there turn!

Jimmy Bastard said...

Chilli requires substance, fire, a big dod of soda bread, and at least 20 bottles of chilled lager to put the flames oot.

I'll send you my own specal recipe!

Lukey said...

Guys, the chilli tasted good! I admit it was a bit watery though. Definitely packed a punch! It had a few drips of Death Sauce in it. The very same Death Sauce that Richie Allan unknowing transferred from a tortilla chip on to his fingers, and later on from his fingers to his genitals. I think we all felt his pain that night at Ranelagh Gardens.

Leah said...

Yum, actually...well, I think...

And as for the rest I'm just a bit clueless but am willing to learn.

And just wanted to stop by and say hi!

Fields said...

And yet another new face! Burridge must be the most famous team in Senior 1. Welcome along Leah.

Scarlet, hate to disappoint, but I don't think any photos were taken in the privacy of our double bed.. and as they say, "what happens on tour, stays on tour" :)

Emerson Marks said...

Hello Leah. all are welcome at Burridge.

Heff said...

I'd eat the hell out of that chilli my damn self.

Emerson Marks said...

I'll level with you, Heff. It was pretty good. I paid a heavy price the following morning though.

Looking back (bringing back the blog)

I haven't posted here since 2012 – that’s five years of not blogging. The blog is/was about Burridge AFC, the football team I played f...